Everybody's met one of the nefarious "nice guys" before. I mean, is the person you are seeing is faking it or is he a good guy? Sometimes, it feels impossible to tell. Self-proclaimed "nice guys" rely on old-school chivalry when dating. Someone who claims to be a "nice guy" usually thinks that just because he holds doors open for someone and says things like, "You're so smart," that he's entitled to sleep with that person. A "nice guy" usually isn't actually all that nice, but he will use his charisma to get to whatever he wants. Deep down, a "nice guy" is really a manipulator.
A genuinely nice person is good all around, although they obviously carry some flaws — they're human. His consideration for you won't have ulterior motives. He's being kind to you because you are deserving of kindness, not because he has something to prove. And that inherent kindness will be shared with all of the people in his life and those he encounters on a regular basis. You might be suspicious of him at first, but over time, he'll prove that he's definitely worthwhile. Elite Daily asked relationship expert Chris Armstrong for some more insight, and he provided the following telltale signs:
1. It's About What He Does, Not What He Says
When someone is charismatic, Armstrong says that it's easy to be blinded by their shine. When a person goes out of their way to wow you with their confidence, compliments, and smiles, it definitely feels good. You can tell whether or not somebody is putting on a show by how much their actions follow through with what their words are projecting.
"Anyone can get an A for charisma and an F for effort," says Armstrong, "if the words don't translate into anything meaningful."
So if the person you are seeing always tells you how beautiful you are, but makes you feel insecure by openly flirting with other people, all of his showboating might be empty. If he tells you that he adores you but isn't there when you really need him, then he's only capable of saying things that make you feel good and not helping you out when you actually require support. A genuinely good guy might not say as much, but will definitely come through and show that he can be relied on.
2. Observe His Treatment Of Others
A genuinely good guy is good to everyone, not just the person he is dating. He doesn't really expect anything in return besides friendship and love. He accepts what other people are able to give him and doesn't make demands.
Armstrong says that someone who is just pretending to be a nice guy might keep all eyes and ears on you, but he'll treat others with indifference. "[Is he] dismissive of the wait staff, talking crap about neighbors and work, or acting indifferent to the plight of others in the world?" he asks. If you are paying attention to his behavior, it won't be hard to tell when someone's real nature is exposed. "There are so many things happening around us and in the news," says Armstrong. A casual conversation will probably be enough to enlighten you to their true side.
3. Be Aware Of His Awareness
A genuinely good guy will be interested in what's going on with you. When he doesn't know, he will ask questions that "get beneath the surface," and he will be able to hold space for you to talk about just you, according to Armstrong.
"Are they proactive in finding ways to brighten your day?" he asks. "Are they mindful and attentive listeners?"
If you answered yes, then the person you are seeing probably is a genuinely good guy who is taking interest in you. If he finds a way to turn everything you say back into a conversation about himself, or if he is consistently way too caught up in whatever is going on with him to hear about you, then all of his "niceness" is a disguise for a deeply self-absorbed nature.
"There is a cliche saying that goes 'I can't read your mind,'" says Armstrong. "That's true, but an aware person won't often need to. They'll be tuned in."
If you think that the person you are seeing fits all of these criteria, then congratulations! You have found a genuinely kind person (there are more of us than you might think), and you can stop second-guessing your relationship. Just because someone is kind is not a guarantee that things will work out, but you do have a rich, meaningful relationship in store. Once you date a kind person, you'll never settle for anything less again.
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