How Joining A Sorority Made Me Confident In Dating

by Arielle Lana LeJarde
Columbia Pictures

Going up and talking to people has never been easy for me, so moving back to New York from California on my own meant that I had NO FRIENDS for a while.

So once I started college, in my very first semester of freshman year, I got this brilliant idea to join a sorority.

The only problem was, I was afraid of not fitting in. I never had that many friends in high school, so even the thought of a sorority was intimidating.

But seeing those big, Greek letters on t-shirts and hoodies around school sparked something in me. A group of girls in matching apparel was enticing somehow. I felt like this was the chance to be a part of something for once in my life.

This was my chance to be a part of something for once in my life.

Nobody knew who the hell I was anyway. So I could totally reinvent myself.

Now, Greek life in New York City isn't as big as it would be on "regular" college campuses, but I found a local sorority that I can now call my own: Delta Psi Sigma.

To be a part of a sorority is a pretty brutal process. You have to rush (meet the sisters for a couple of weeks), get a bid (an invitation to join the sorority) and pledge (the process you have to go through to join) all before being initiated.

It was hard as hell, and a lot times, I asked myself why the hell was I trying so hard to be accepted by a bunch of girls I barely even knew. But if there's one thing I'm not, it's a quitter.

Looking back, I don't regret a thing about joining a sorority. In fact, it gave me the confidence I've always wanted.

Joining a sorority made me go for what I want, even if it was out of my comfort zone. First, by showing up to rush events all by myself, then by going for chair positions on the executive board, all the way to becoming my chapter president AND national vice president.

Three years ago, I didn't even think I would be in a sorority, let alone run the damn thing.

But that confidence to go for what I want didn't just stay within the sorority. It's even how I got my first kiss and my first date.

Two years ago, my sorority was having a mixer, which is an event where a sorority and fraternity chapter get together and ~build relationships~ (not like that, sicko).

I immediately spotted this tall, brown-haired guy in a flannel. Anybody who knows me knows that's exactly my type.

Wearing Greek letters gave me pride.

I don't know exactly what got into me that night. Maybe it was the fact that I had to fake not being shy because I was the one who set up this event. Maybe it's because wearing those letters gave me pride.

But whatever it was that made me feel the way I did made me go for it.

Not only was I hardcore flirting all night with him, but I made it a point to sit next to him during dinner and share a plate of fries with him. I had no shame in my game that night.

A month later, we connected on Facebook, and he asked me on a date. This was the first time a guy had shown interest in me, AND it was someone I was attracted to.  At the time, there was no better feeling. So, of course, I said "yes" right away.

We watched "The Purge 2" and made out in his car before the movie started. It was totally the high school fling I've always wanted.

He actually ended up ghosting me after that date, and I was completely heartbroken. He was my first date, kiss and ghost, so he'll always have a special (*insert eye roll here*) place in my heart.

Even though it didn't work out with him, that experience gave me the assurance that guys liking me is actually possible.

Sure, building up your self-worth from someone else isn't ideal, and being validated by a boy certainly isn't the sole source of my self-esteem. But if I never had this first date, I would probably still be a lonely girl crying about how I'm going to live forever alone and die a virgin.

And had I never joined my sorority, I never would have built up the courage to even talk to this guy.

Had I never joined my sorority, I never would have built up the courage to even talk to this guy.

I joined a sorority just looking for some friends. But now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't even be here right now, writing this and all of my dating experiences, if I hadn't.