Is My Crush Right For Me? 4 Reasons You Shouldn't Try To Start A Relationship With Them
In the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona, there's a line that goes something like "only unfulfilled love can be romantic." I think about it all the time, and to be honest, I think it's true, especially when it comes to crushes. While unfulfilled love (a crush) might give you something to think and obsess about, a relationship is what we're all striving for. So you might be asking yourself: Is my crush right for me?
Here is my response that you don't want: No. You crush likely isn't right for you. But before you dismiss me, let me tell you why. Here are some reasons why you shouldn't turn your crush into your significant other... because some things are better left fantasizing about.
1. The Fantasy Might Be Better Than The Reality
It's like how they say you should never meet your idols: Never commit to your crush, as it might not end up how you think it will.
In the Myspace days, I fell madly in love with this blonde, tattooed drummer of a Florida emo band. He was five years younger than I was, but who cares? YOLO. We would message every night, and eventually, all that messaging turned into texting. Texting turned into talking on the phone. Talking on the phone eventually turned into Skyping.
The relationship was perfect: He was a crush who filled up my time, while the boys who actually lived close to me weren't living up to my standards. But then, he moved to my city. And all the quirks I found charming when this guy was just my long-distance crush were actually insanely annoying and immature when he became the guy I was dating.
The thing about crushes is that they're mostly fun because they exist in your brain. They're rooted in fantasy. You don't know how the other person feels, so you make up that part for them. Crushes are a blast because you read into every single thing they do and find a way to make it about them loving you. For example, every time Ansel Elgort tweets, I swear it is fully directed at me!
Pinning down a crush takes all the fun and mystery out of it. And normally, you'll find that the person you've been lusting after isn't really worth it after all — and that's a bummer.
2. They Sometimes Talk To You About Other People
If your crush talks about their crushes to you, then they probably only see you as a friend or confidant. It's likely that you've been friend-zoned, and you're misinterpreting your closeness for something more. There's also a more insidious alternative if your crush is the chatty type. If they talk about other people to you, but are super flirtatious with you at the same time, then you might have a player on your hands.
There's nothing worse than a smooth operator who can make you catch feelings while they're talking about the feelings that they have for someone else. What kind of sorcery is that?! Just remember, don't fall for a player unless you want to get hurt, and don't try to turn that crush into a significant other.
3. Your Relationship Is Likely One-Sided
I tend to get crushes on people who have the "taboo factor." Let me explain. Having a crush on my ex-boyfriend's best friend, for example, is a bit taboo. Once, in a dark moment, it was my ex-boyfriend's little brother. And there was also the TA of my freshman English Lit class, and the first male therapist I ever had.
If your crush is on someone you absolutely should not have a crush on — maybe your best friend's dad, for instance — then keep that crush a crush, and don't try to develop it into something more by making a move. Some things are better left in your head, because if you try to force them to move IRL, you'll just be headed for disaster.
4. They Already Have A Significant Other
If your crush is already spoken for, then your relationship is a no-go zone — you know that. Full disclosure: I recently got a crush on a guy I was following on Twitter. He was so funny! His avatar was so cute! He followed me back!
Then, I found his Instagram: Boom, married! Boom, kids! And immediately, my crush had to be buried deep inside of me. There are some places that, no matter how big your interest is, you just do not go.
If your crush has a significant other, then it's just not worth it to keep on crushing or to try and pursue a relationship. It's bad dating karma, which comes back three fold, as we all know about dating karma. (We all know about dating karma, right?)
Sometimes, crushes are better left as crushes. Because if you end up settling down, you never know what you're going to get.