I have a confession to make: I used to be a really bad partner. I wasn't interested in relationships, I couldn't manage to make plans with people, and I was generally over the dating thing. Do I sound like a nightmare? I was. But it's because of this that I have insight into whether the guy you're dating isn't for you. If you're wondering, "Is he a bad guy?" I can help!
Bad guys, like the bad girl I was, aren't always terrible overall. Mostly, it's subject to circumstance and experience. For example, my husband would say that I am an awesome wife and that he's never had a bad relationship experience with me. But that's because I love him, and I knew immediately he was "the one."
Guys in prior relationships with me, though, would have a lot of really different things to say. And they wouldn't be positive. They'd probably say I was aloof, kind of b*tchy, and an overall heartbreaker. They would say that being in a relationship with me was kind of a nightmare because they never really knew if I was in or out.
Luckily for you, I have a lot of insight into what makes jerks, well, jerks. We're not all terrible people. Most of us just aren't ready for a relationship when you are. Or we are ready, but you're not the right person. So if you're wondering if the person you're with is a bad partner, look no further. Here are seven qualities to be very wary of in your potential mate:
1. They Take No Interest In Things That Matter To You
One telling sign of a not-so-great partner is that they can't be bothered to take any interest in the things that matter to you. Someone like this won't care what you are doing at work, what is happening in your life, or even what you like to do for fun. This person will be so singularly focused on their own pleasure (whatever that is) that you'll constantly feel like you are invading their life when you try to tell them about your own.
I'm a bit guilty of this. I always joke that I can't keep anything in my head because I have a bad memory and don't pay attention when people talk in the first place. The thing is, it's not totally a joke. For guys I used to casually date, I couldn't be bothered to remember a thing about them. And it was awful!
People like this aren't worth your time. If you feel like you are trying to chase someone down to listen or be interested, just let them go. You'll be happier you did.
2. They Are Hot And Cold
Sometimes, they are madly in love with you. Sometimes, they don't answer your calls for days. You might think this is "just the way they are" or maybe you might mistake the up and down for passion, but it's neither of these things. Rather, it's this person being a total jerk, because they can't think about anyone but themselves.
Someone who is up and down at the start of the relationship is probably going to stay that way. They likely won't improve, and they won't start to love you more over time. Just let them go. You don't need to be the one dealing with their drama.
3. They Don't Plan Or Keep Commitments
A sure sign of a bad partner is if they can't be bothered to make plans... and when they do, they can't keep them to save their life.
Someone who isn't going to be good in a relationship won't like plans. I'm actually speaking from personal experience here again, because I used to hate making plans with the guys I was dating. I felt suffocated. I didn't want to try to carve out my time to see them because I just didn't care about them that much. It sounds horrible, I know, and it was. I was a terrible partner at the time.
If you see this quality in someone you are dating, cut them loose.
4. They Are Always Focused On Sex
Someone who's a bad partner (and also, someone who is not super interested in a relationship) will probably only be focused on sex. If you feel like all they want from you is sex, then it's probably true.
If you are with someone who is only interested in sex, and you want more from them, you should let them go because they most likely won't be providing you with what you need anytime soon.
5. They Are Selfish
A bad partner is selfish — plain and simple. Whether it's ignoring you, just chasing what they want, being manipulative, or disappearing, someone like this isn't worth your time. It's likely that their selfishness will play out in multiple ways over the course of your relationship, and you'll get sick of it sooner rather than later.
Instead of waiting around to see how it all goes, just ditch the relationship now and avoid the heartache.
6. People In Your Life Don't Like Them
It's a sure sign that someone isn't a good fit for you if you start dating them and the people in your life immediately don't like them. Sure, sometimes, friends and family might just be a little harsh, but more often, it's because they can see something about your partner that you can't.
If your sweet bestie who normally likes everyone hates your new guy, pay attention. It probably means he's going to end up breaking your heart, being a bad partner, or both.
7. They Are Emotionally Closed Off
Someone who is a really bad partner is usually very emotionally closed off. After all, the best relationships are built around vulnerability. If you can't even get to know your partner well enough to see the real them, this isn't the right relationship for you.
Someone emotionally closed off will allow you to open up and be vulnerable, but they won't reveal anything back to you. They'll make you feel like you are constantly chasing them in the relationship. But no matter how much you chase, you are never going to pin them down because they don't want to be pinned down.
If you're worried you might be dating someone who will end up being a bad partner, unfortunately, your gut is probably right. That said, if they also meet some of the things on this list, they are definitely someone you should ditch ASAP.
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