Why Intelligence Is Often A Double-Edged Sword For Women In Dating

by Sagan Gordon

Intelligence can often be a doubled-edged sword in romantic relationships.

Your quick wit and ability to recite countless pieces of random information leaves suitors swooning. You have the ability to predict and manipulate situations to work in your favor, and at first, everything about you seems to exude confidence.

You get the guy. Everything is perfect. He couldn’t imagine his life without you.

Soon, however, your intelligence begins to work against you. Constant analysis and crippling introspection leaves you living in your head and wondering, "How did this happen?"

You have stopped enjoying the relationship and living in the moment.

Every moment of your relationship is under a microscope. Your brain has revolted against your heart, and you can't seem to stop it. You know that each time you bring up yet another insight (“Have you lost your desire for me?” or “Has our life together become too predictable?”), you are contributing to more stress and feelings of inadequacy.

It seems impossible to control. You start to argue with your partner. Nothing seems to be going right anymore.

You begin to stuff your thoughts down, into the deepest pool of insecurities. You start thinking even deeper about why you can’t stop dissecting every facet of each interaction you have with the one you love. You realize how much easier it would be if you stopped appraising, analyzing and creating problems out of nothing.

How much easier would it be if you didn’t notice the little things? If only you were simply happy to have someone to share all of life’s experiences with you, to have someone who adores you and supports all your choices. You envy those around you who don’t look at the world with the same scrutiny.

You curse your own mind. Your intelligence has become a detriment to what you long for the most. Your mind is sabotaging the connection you have made.

You feel your loved one slipping away. Sex becomes less frequent. They start walking on egg shells around you, and wonder what tone of voice they should use when they ask you to change the channel.

Days at work are spent writing down ways in which you can return to your witty, happy-go-lucky self. You think you have it all figured out, until you return home. Your beloved one waits on the couch, and doesn’t immediately greet you. Feelings swirl.

“He never used to be so disengaged. Where is my kiss?”

Have you become this high-maintenance, or is it something else?

“Why couldn’t I just be dumb?” you say to yourself. “Dumb people seem happy.”

Ignorance is bliss. You keep telling yourself that it’s your sheer intellect that makes you so hard to love. It's all your complexities driving the other person away.

“If only I were dumb. Then I would be happy.”

This isn’t the truth, you know. You begin thinking again.

Oh no, here we go!

It isn’t your intelligence making you unhappy. It’s that you have forgotten to think about yourself. You’ve placed all your energy and thought into something that may not be measureable or tangible: relationship success.

You’ve become dumb, dumb in love.

You've neglected your own happiness and misguided your efforts, by thinking someone else’s actions, words or thoughts can directly affect your day-to-day feelings about yourself.

You’ve been ignorant. You’ve ignored yourself. Stop.

Have enough intelligence to realize that sometimes, a relationship just is. It means checking your brain at the door on occasion, and just being with the person.