Last weekend, after braving a darty and dancing for two hours at a dive bar, my overtired friend asked everyone in our Lyft if they still had feelings for their first love. Although most of my friends had Marie Kondo'd their high school boos years ago, the sentiment started an interesting conversation: What happens if you still have feelings for an ex but are in a relationship? If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I’m in a relationship but still love my ex,” don’t fret, because you’re definitely not alone.
If my friends in poly relationships have taught me anything, it's that having feelings for someone doesn't negate your feelings for someone else. Even in a monogamous relationship, you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. Still, if you're newly in love, it's natural to wonder what it means when you feel some heat for an old flame. "You can certainly still be in love with your ex and also be in love with your current partner — this is actually a very common theme for many people," Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. "This is particularly true if there are some genuinely good things you miss. That is completely normal."
If you suspect you’re still in love with your ex while dating someone new, then here are a few things to consider, according to experts.
In the aftermath of a breakup, it's natural to wonder if you'll everget over your ex. And after lots of tears and long baths, when you've fallen in love with someone new, it's normal to wonder if it's OK to still have some old feelings. It's totally possible to be in love with your current boo and still love your ex. Healing from heartbreak takes a lot of time, and holding space for people in your past doesn't mean you can't move forward. Of course, if you think you'd rather be with your ex or you're hoping to get back together, it may help to talk to your current boo about where you're at.
The heart can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways, but being open and honest is always the way to go.