How To Tell Your Boyfriend 'I Love You' If He Hasn't Said It Yet
There's no way to sugar coat it. Dropping the big "L word" is a big deal.
Movies talk about it, novels have tackled the topic since the beginning of time and even Drake has enjoyed some popularity due to his soft little heart.
Mustering up the courage and clarity to say it is no small feat, especially when you're the one saying it first.
Media will tell women it's best to wait for the man to take the lead, so you don't "scare him away." Frankly, that is some bullshit, and it's TOTALLY fine if you decide to say it first!
Besides the fact that traditional gender roles are a dying fad, how can you be sure he isn't just waiting for YOU to say it?
Putting all the expectation on him not only gives him a weird amount of power in your relationship (in that he gets to say when you do and do not move forward,) but also is just flat-out unnecessary.
That being said, there are some helpful guidelines that can make things go as smoothly as possible.
Don't panic.
It can be tempting to put A LOT of pressure on this moment. Sure, it could be a big turning point for your relationship, but freaking out is only going to make things seem even more fragile or delicate, when really love is powerful and strong!
Do your best to stay calm, and only the deliver the big line when it's a good time. When is a good time? True, tricky to tell, but you will DEFINITELY know when it's a bad time.
Do your best to stay calm, and only the deliver the big line when it's a good time.
Blurting it out at a weird place while there is weird energy between you and your BF could result in a miscommunication. For example, during a fight is NOT a great time. It could seem manipulative or disingenuous.
Keep your cool and confidence up. Whatever happens next, at least you spoke your truth!
Don't be drunk...
...or high. Or under any sort of influence. And while you're at it, make sure they are also not drunk, high or under any sort of influence.
While we all know the phrase, "drunken words are sober thoughts," I also once used newspaper as toilet paper while blackout, and trust me, I wouldn't do that sober.
Even if your emotions are coming from a pure place, it's hard to trust somebody eating pancakes and bacon like it's a taco.
It's hard to trust somebody eating pancakes and bacon like it's a taco.
Drop the big L-O-V-E word when you're able to confidently stand behind your actions. That way, both people will be on the same page and know it's sincere.
Do mean it.
Words can have real consequences, and saying "I love you" if you don't mean it isn't only misleading, it can be really hurtful.
If you aren't certain, guess what? There's no rule that says you can't keep waiting either! You should feel a sort of clarity about loving someone, and if it all feels blurry to you, try holding out to see if it clears up.
What you don't want to do is take a stab at it to find out you were just being impulsive or "living in the moment." This kind of move is — how do I say this? — just dicking someone around.
Don't take a stab at it to find out you were just being impulsive or "living in the moment."
It's certainly unfair to make someone believe you have feelings like this if you don't, and it's better to wait until you are pretty damn certain than open a pandora's box you aren't ready for.
Try not to have any expectations.
You should be saying "I love you" because you feel it needs to be said. It's your truth. No matter their reaction, this moment is going to carry you into the next chapter, with or without him.
Counting on a specific response could leave you disappointed, and the truth is, they are entitled to whatever honest reaction they have.
It's OK if they don't say it back right away. It's also OK if they panic.
It's OK if they don't say it back right away. It's also OK if they panic.
Just because they aren't ready to say it now definitely doesn't mean they won't be ready in the future. And it definitely doesn't mean you have to break up and all hope is lost.
Give them a minute, and try not to hold them accountable for whatever comes next. You can only control your own actions, but you can't control how other people are going to act. (Annoying, I KNOW.)
Always remember the three C's: Confidence, clarity and courage. Then you can't stray too far!
Throw on some deodorant, practice in the shower and shine, baby, shine.
