Yes, you *can* turn a hookup into a legit relationship.
My boyfriend and I didn't necessarily hook up the first time we met, but we were definitely hooking up for a long time before we decided that we were officially dating. In fact, I'd say there was about three months of ambiguous, undefined, WTF-is-this territory before we even discussed becoming exclusive. And I don't think our story is unique, either. In this day and age, lots of relationships start off as hookups, but knowing how to turn a hookup into a relationship is where things can get tricky.
Relationship and etiquette expert April Masini said the best way to start is by having an honest conversation where you lay it all out on the table: your expectations, feelings, and views on important topics like exclusivity. “Talk about what you want — but also talk about what you don’t want,” she previously told Elite Daily. “For instance, don’t dance around the topic of monogamy [if that’s what you want]. Ask your partner how they feel about that, and if they’re on the same page that you are.”
There’s no doubt that having this convo is scary, but if you’re not sure how to turn a hookup into a boyfriend or girlfriend, then talking to them about it is your best bet. “They might say, ‘I've been feeling the same way, too, and I was scared because I didn't want to lose you,’ and then you both get your needs met,” certified dating coach and relationship expert Damona Hoffman previously told Elite Daily. “But no one gets their needs met if you just stay in it and swallow all of your true feelings.”
Wondering how other people have taken their situationship or FWB all the way from hookup to relationship? A Reddit thread asked people for tips on how to turn a hookup into a relationship based on their own experiences and, boy, oh boy, did they deliver.
[My wife and I] hooked up in a club. Then I saw her at another club, hooked up again. Then, we started deliberately going to clubs with the intent to hook up with one another. We didn't even speak of a relationship, or want to go for a date, we were at a stage where we wanted to just have fun, and we were very attracted to each other. A few months of this, and we started talking to one another more regularly. On her birthday (in a club), a little under a year after our first hook up she told me, ‘We can't keep on doing this. It either has to go somewhere, or we need to stop.’ I thought about it all of five seconds, and it was only that long because I was drunk. We went on a date the following week, then we a few more, made it official about a month later, have been with her for over nine years, and got married last fall.
I’m going on 18 years in a relationship that started as a hookup. We were just hanging out and keeping it casual at first. Then he stood me up on Halloween. I didn’t speak to him for a couple of days and I was just going to write him off. But then I was just like, ‘Ummm... no.’ I went to his house and told him that if he tells me that he is going somewhere with me he better show up, and if he didn’t think he could do that, then we didn’t need to hang out. We’ve been together ever since.
My best relationship blossomed from a hookup! We met online and just both wanted a relationship ... He kept inviting me to hang out and obviously do the sexual stuff, but I eventually just told him that I know we like each other, so to avoid hurt feelings later on, the sex needs to lead to something or I would end it. I can’t pinpoint any cause, really. Throughout those first few weeks we just clicked. Our sexual chemistry was and is still mind blowing. We spent time together and discovered we had lots of mutual friends and similar interests. We had deep conversations, and stupid silly ones. We had similar sense of humor and we had fun around each other without even thinking. It’s one of those things I think just happens. We’ve been together for over four years now.
My husband and I transitioned from friends to hookup buddies/friends with benefits to a monogamous couple. We went to colleges four hours apart but were from the same home town and would hang out on breaks. We started hooking up during Thanksgiving break of our junior year, followed by hooking up during Christmas break (literally every day except for Christmas). By the end of the break, we had both become emotionally attached and he had accidentally dropped the L-word. Neither of us wanted the break/hooking up to end, so had a ‘define the relationship’ talk on the last night of break and decided that it was worth the risk of trying a monogamous, long-distance relationship. Now (a little over six years later) we're married.
Worked with a guy who I thought was cute. I'm 29 and he's 20 so I only wanted a FWB thing with him. He was clueless so I did all the work to get us to be FWB. For about 2 weeks or so we hooked up pretty regularly. The one night he suggests we go out for dinner. I was very surprised and not really into it but went anyway. I eventually began to realize that it's emotionally impossible for me to hook up with a guy while sober and the reason I wanted to have sex with him was because I was into him. Some girl two years younger than him had a crush on him, and it made me ask him if we should be exclusive and fully date now. He said he thought that's what we've been doing all along.
This guy I didn't know really well but we had mutual friends in common asked me out on a date over AIM (yes, that AIM) and I agreed because why not, he seemed nice. So we went out to dinner and one thing led to another, I was back at his place. I ended up spending the night, and we didn't have sex, but we did do other stuff. I had class the next day (I was still in college), so he took me back to campus and we texted/AIM’d for a couple of days, and then he asked if he could cook me dinner one evening. I said sure, and we hung out that evening and overnight again. That next morning he asked me what we were, and I asked if we could get serious, and we did. Now we've been married five years, together nine total.
My husband and I started as a hookup in nursing school. Now we’re married and have a beautiful son. Neither of us really expected that to happen when we first hooked up, but we fell in love and became best friends, too.
My relationship with my SO started as a flirty fling on World of Warcraft, which led to us meeting up to hook up, which led to us talking about how we were going to the same school that spring, which led to us becoming roommates in college, which led to us dating. It just kinda evolved over time. We didn't want to be in a serious relationship but by the end of the second semester we turned her bedroom into a study room and bought a queen so... yeah, it just kinda happened.
My SO and I met on Tinder. We weren't looking for a one-night stand, more like a ‘I like to f*ck you, but I like to watch movies with you, too.’ Two years later and my Netflix & Chill-turned-accidental boyfriend is the love of my life. How we got here was just spending time together. In the beginning, we went away for weekends (when I didn't have the kids). For sex, but we did just as much non-sexy time stuff. Talking for the two or three hours we we're in the car. Out to dinner while we were away. Walking along the beach. Etc, etc. Until one day I looked at him and realized I was feelings thing I had wholeheartedly had meant to avoid feeling. And I liked it. It turns out I quite liked getting to know him outside of any expectation of a relationship. I wasn't evaluating how he fit into what I thought I wanted in a partner. I was just getting to know him.
[I have a] Tinder hook up turned husband. Neither of us were looking for anything serious. We matched and chatted for a day before going on a date. I like to joke that he showed up for our date and never left, but that is pretty much how it happened. Six months later we were engaged, and at 18 months, we tied the knot. Honestly it evolved very naturally.
We were friends (co-workers originally) beforehand, and I'd left a pretty sh*tty relationship that ended even sh*ttier about three months before we hooked up for the first time. We clicked in ways that were unexpected for me, and I think him too, and we just kept hanging out and hooking up until about five months later, [when we] decided we wanted to try the "officially dating" thing. That was two years ago this coming Sunday, which also happens to be the day we celebrate our one-year anniversary of living together.
My boyfriend and I started this way! Our mutual friend set us up because we were both online dating without any success. We hit it off immediately and were all over each other for a few months. Eventually, we stopped hanging out just to hook up and started seeing each other regularly. We just fit together perfectly. Conversation was easy, we have amazing chemistry, all the usual cheesy stuff. I'd say it's gone pretty well — we've been together for two years and some change, moved in together about a year-and-a-half ago, and we'll be getting married pretty soon!
The conclusion here? Don't be discouraged about your love life because you’re "just hooking up" with people. Chances are your FWB relationship could turn into something serious.
Experts:
April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert
Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and relationship expert
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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