Have I ever hit on a man in a bar? No, not once. I've always wanted to, but I'm scared out of my mind, and I also worry they'll hate it.
It's weird because my guy friends always tell me they like when women are forward and talk to them first at bars, yet female dating gurus tell me that women need to be pursued, stay mysterious, and be unavailable.
So how the hell am I supposed to be meeting people? Am I supposed to just be myself and see what happens naturally? That doesn't seem like an option!
I asked dating coach Mike Goldstein, founder of EZ Dating Coach and creator of How To Text Men During The Day: What Not To Do and What To Do, how to hit on men in a bar without being awkward, because I have no idea what to do.
First, I wasn't sure if men even actually liked it when women approach them. Don't men like being hunters and everything? Well, it turns out they do like it when women make the first move.
"You made our job easier. Men want women to make it easier while women want men to try harder," Goldstein says.
He breaks it down a little further:
93 percent of men are afraid to approach women. That number is massive. That means if you stand around, you only have access to 7 percent of the male population. Thus, you should be more proactive with your love life.
This whole time, I've only had access to 7 percent of the male population? This explains so much. No wonder I'm single. (I'm also kind of crazy, but I'm going to blame it on this 7 percent thing for sure, if anyone asks!)
So, how can you get a man's attention in the first place?
Goldstein says to "try the wave and the come here signal."
The way this works is pretty easy: "If you see a cute guy, simply wave him over. Because you are waving, you remove his fear or rejection but also allow him to maintain his masculinity by having him walk over and get credit for 'picking' you up."
Goldstein explains that as soon as he walks over to you, you can "get to know each other and see if you have anything in common."
This way, you're not entirely the aggressor. Although you're making the first "move," he has to take all the initiative from there.
If that's too intense for you, you can always try Goldstein's suggestion for plan B: "Go ask a guy, 'Would you mind taking a picture?' Once he finishes, thank him and start chatting."
I mean, talk about killing two birds with one stone: You get someone to take a glamour shot for you, and you get a potential new boyfriend!
OK, but once you have him over, what are some openers? You can't just stand in front of him like a zombie. He'll think there is something seriously wrong with you, and you don't want to reveal that to him until at least month three.
Goldstein says, "It is vital that you don't do an opener that involves thinking. You have two seconds to initiate conversation with a stranger or 92 percent of the time, you will talk yourself out of talking to them. (They are married, they won't like me, they look busy, they are too good looking, and the laundry list of excuses keep going.)"
Apparently, the opener you should use is standard, and simple:
Your opener should always be 'Hi. How are you?' It involves zero thinking and gets your butt into the game. The response to 'How are you?' will typically give you all the information you need on whether they are initially interested in chatting with you or not.
From there, some topics of conversation could include things like, "Where are you originally from? If you took me there, what would we do together?"
It's good to finally know that men do indeed like being hit on. I mean, 93 percent of the male population are afraid to hit on women. No wonder I have problems in the love department. I've spent my entire life waiting for that 7 percent to come talk to me.
So I don't know about you, but now that I know what to say, I'm gonna start talking to that other 93 percent.