When you get a tingle in your nether regions for a cutie you meet IRL, there's a hard deadline on getting each others' contact info. You either woman up and ask for their digits before you get to the front of the Trader Joe's line, or you say "boy bye" to your potential soulmate. When it comes to Tinder, however, there is no expiration date. You can believe strongly that women should message guys first, so you message your match with that adorable puppy for weeks and never meet up. Or, you can exchange digits with your match with that sailboat and meet up that very night. (Maybe not on their sailboat alone though, because #safety.)
This lack of urgency on dating apps means that you might match with a zaddy on a Sunday night, message like crazy, get swamped at work that week, and never chat again. A few weeks later, when you're right-swiping through a sea of shirtless selfies, you might think back to your classy, coiffed match from the past and think, "I want that."
But how do you re-start a conversation without seeming like a totally desperate creep? First of all, you forget this stigma. Reaching back out does not make you a creep, it gives you power. When someone makes a move on you, it's almost always hot and flattering. (Catcalls excluded.) When you take the initiative, it's also hot and flattering.
Here's how to re-start a Tinder conversation with an old match like a pro.
Be Shameless AF
I was recently grabbing drinks with a childhood friend of mine who is single for the first time in almost a decade. She mentioned a cutie that she met out, chatted with for an hour, but never exchanged numbers with. She proceeded to tell me that she ended up finding him on Facebook and friending him. Zero shame.
I have known this friend since I was five, and she has approximately three men in love with her at all times. I'm starting to think that her lack of shame is a key component to her magnetism. When you reach out to a Tinder match after a lull in conversation, act like it ain't no thang. Literally say whatever you want, and own it.
If you are reaching back out because they seem nice and normal and you'd like to meet up in person some time, say, "You seem nice and normal and I'd like to meet up sometime." If you don't hear back? Whatever, it's an app/maybe they moved to Hong Kong.
Ask A Question About Their Opinion On Something
Everybody loves sharing their opinion. Just peep your Facebook newsfeed.
I'm not necessarily recommending you open a Tinder convo back up with "Spicer or Mooch?" but people love to answer questions about what they like and believe in.
Pizza or tacos? Whiskey or tequila? "This or that" questions are my favorite opening lines, and they work well for a second act opening line as well. If someone asks me whether I prefer French fries or potato chips, I'm definitely sharing my opinion. (After some careful thought, that's hard.) Your match will, too.
Shoot Them Your Number
If you're really looking to cut out all of the bullshiz, simply give your future boo your number. Maybe add a little note so it's not totally out of left field, but get to the point as soon as possible.
Sharing your number isn't weird. It's just streamlining communication because everyone sucks at replying to messages on the apps. It's the modern day version of putting your number on a napkin and sliding it down the bar, only you not only never have to see this person again — you never have to see them ever.
The stakes are incredibly low. Send it.
If you want to re-start a conversation with a Tinder match, do it in a way that feels true to you. If being super straightforward and shameless feels weird, say something more innocuous. Eventually, you'll warm up to more direct messaging your digits.
If someone doesn't like the way you reach back out on a dating app, they're probably not going to end up being worth your time. They sound pretty judgmental anyway. Dating in 2017 is the world's weirdest pastime, and the most important thing is to put your authentic self out there and learn not to take rejection personally.
My biggest piece of advice for re-starting a conversation with a dating app match is to take a page from Nike's book and "just do it." If you are curious about someone you had great banter with, but never made it out to dinner with, send them a note. The worst case scenario is that you don't hear back from someone you've never even met.
Take advantage of the low stakes situation and flex your "bold muscle." Making the first move is underrated. It's incredibly empowering.