OK, can I just say how stressful and confusing it is to go on a first date and not know if you're going to end it with a kiss? Seriously, even if there are all these vibes going on, there's really no way to know for sure that you're going to smooch with this person, is there? But if you don’t end up kissing on the first date, then how many dates should you wait before kissing? According to experts, that answer all depends on both of your comfort levels.
Kissing on the first date is not for everyone, but there's no real magic number as far as what date you should kiss. If you want to keep it mysterious and leave some things to look forward to, then it might be smart to wait a few dates before you go in for a smooch. On the other hand, a kiss can tell you a lot about someone, and maybe you want to go for it to see if there's any spark. As dating and relationship expert Julie Bekker tells Elite Daily, there's "no need to wait" if your instinct tells you to go in for a liplock — and you get the feeling they’re into it, too. "If you’re feeling it, kiss them," she says. It’s as simple as that.
Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker, agrees with this advice. "Every connection and couple is different," Strang tells Elite Daily. "I find it best to take the pressure off and allow the date to flow organically.” Basically, it doesn't really matter if you have your first kiss after your first date, third date, or 10th date — that's totally up to you. And while you and your date may have a Hollywood foot-pop sort of kiss, it’s possible things don’t go exactly as planned. Here’s how to deal if you and your date aren’t exactly on the same page about when it’s time to kiss.
If Your Date Tries To Kiss You & You’re Not Ready
It’s possible you know from the get-go you’re not interested in kissing on your date, and that’s totally fine. Channa Bromley, a relationship coach and CEO of My Love Gurus, previously told Elite Daily that communicating your boundaries can be super attractive when done with tact. "It says that you value yourself and have the confidence not to compromise oneself in order to gain the approval of another," she explained. Be upfront with your date and let them know from the start of the date that you’re looking to take things slow, and if they can’t respect that, then they’re probs not worth your time, anyway.
However, if you don’t realize you’re not ready until your date is going in for a smack-a-roo, then the best thing you can do is dodge that kiss as gracefully as possible. Though Bromley said it’s best to have the discussion before your date might be apt to make a move, like when you're saying goodbye, you may not know until the heat of the moment that you’re not feeling it. A little awkwardness is better than sharing a kiss you aren’t prepared to have (or simply don’t want at all). You can then explain your hesitance after the fact... or just pretend the attempted kiss never happened.
If You Try To Kiss Your Date & They’re Not Ready
It’s also possible that — even though you’re comfortable ending the night with a smooch — your date isn’t on the same page. Try not to take it personally, since you’d want them to respect your choice if the situation were reversed. And while they may not explicitly tell you they’re not ready to kiss, you can pick up on their hesitance through their body language. To save you both some embarrassment, pay attention to the way they’re acting throughout the date. If their attention is elsewhere, they’re probably not looking to lock lips later on.
“The biggest sign that someone isn’t into you is their noticeable distraction,” dating expert Julie Spira previously told Elite Daily. “If they’re not looking into your eyes and listening to you on a date because they’re busy focusing on their phone, it’s a sure sign they aren’t interested.” A date who’s reluctant to engage and quick to shut you down likely isn’t getting ready for a game of tonsil hockey.
If The Kiss Is Kinda Awkward
Believe it or not, an awkward first kiss can actually be a good sign. As author and relationship expert Susan Winter previously told Elite Daily, you should be wary of someone who is too comfortable on a first date, because it’s possible they’re a serial dater who’s used to making misleading first impressions. “They know how to be charismatic on the date and seductive in the wrap up. You can tell who they are because they're ‘practiced.’ There's no lack of confidence. That indicates repetition (the hallmark of a player)," she said. “If the kiss was a little awkward, that's a clear indication that he or she likes you. They had a lot at stake.”
And if the kiss is more underwhelming than awkward, that’s not such a bad thing, either. “The partner who doesn't want to startle you but wants to establish romance as the basis for your connection will opt for a meaningful, yet potent kiss on the lips," Winter added. Even if you want to make out with them, a simple kiss could be more meaningful. "If your goal is a relationship, don't dismiss a normal kiss," she said.
Really, it all depends on how you feel and what you're looking to get out of a kiss. If you want to test the waters of a potential relationship, then go with your gut! It can't hurt to make the first move, no matter how many dates you've been on — as long as it's consensual.
Julie Bekker, dating and relationship expert
Heather Kristian Strang, spiritual guide and matchmaker
Channa Bromley, a relationship coach and CEO of My Love Gurus
Julie Spira, dating expert
Susan Winter, author and relationship expert
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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