These Crazy Texts Exchanged Between Hook Up Buddies Will Make You Cringe

by Candice Jalili
Candice Jalili

The noncommittal nature of the hook up culture has a funny way of making even the most sane of us all go a little bonkers.

I mean, think about it. You like someone, you've been ~intimate~ with them, you talk all the time, but they STILL reserve the right to drop off the face of the earth at any given moment.

You can't talk about what you are too soon without being a psychopath, so that definitely isn't ideal either. It is all a very sad and confusing predicament our generation has been inflicted with. But it makes for some pretty hilarious screenshots.

And, yes, we are going to take the time to laugh at these freakazoids for totally and completely losing their cool, but we also have to take into account the fact that if we already haven't been these people at one point or another, odds are we will have our moment in due time. So, let's not be too hard on them.

Anyway, I asked people to share with me the most PSYCHO texts they have ever exchanged with a hook up buddy. And, let me tell you, they did not disappoint.

There's this guy who finally just decided to put all his cards on the table.

Random guy I hooked up with a couple of times. He's just a nice guy with a great career who also happened to make me really uncomfortable.

— Marie*, 22

There's this guy who is suddenly much more open to the concept of being exclusive.

Just about a month ago, I had talked to this same guy about how I was starting to really like him and I wanted to be exclusive. He was not at all receptive. So I started moving on. Then, all of the sudden, he really wants things to 'progress' with us.

— Alexis*, 22

There's this girl who just could not stand to be stood up.

I had met this guy a couple weeks earlier at a bar and I thought we really hit it off. But then he blew me off a couple of times. And finally, after this last time, I lost my patience. Well, I didn't quite lose it, but my friends did. So I let them take my phone and send whatever they wanted. This is what they came up with. Needless to say, never heard from him again.

— Caroline*, 22

There's this guy who swears he didn't even want to hook up.

This is a guy I used to hook up with in college. Basically, he helped me find my friend who I lost at the bar then when it was settled that she was safe going home with the guy she was seeing, I decided I wanted to go home (without him). He didn't love that. Also somewhere along the way he decided he was going to pick up my friend from the guy's house in the morning ... ?

— Olivia*, 24

There's this guy who just wanted to cuddle.

This guy and I had been casually (read: drunkenly) hooking up for a couple of months. It was your classic 'the people we actually like rejected us, so we're just going to get hammered and use each other as a Plan B.' But I think sometimes he would get confused when he was hammered and accidentally think that we were actually in love or something. So I would get weird texts like this. Mind you, this guy and I DO NOT talk sober.

— Leah*, 23

There's this very open cyber stalker.

I literally met this guy out at a bar one night and I don't think we even kissed. He was hot. I was down to go on a date with him, so we exchanged a few flirty texts here and there. Then I get this.

— Allison*, 23

There's this guy who just CANNOT take a hint.

So. When I was single and getting my hoe on, I used to hook up with this guy once in a while. I would just invite him over, fuck him and then make him leave. He was SO SO SO stupid, but he had the biggest wiener I've ever seen. Anyway, I got a boyfriend and literally have been dating my boyfriend for TWO years and this ass clown still hits me up like once a month to see what I'm doing. I've never responded. Idiot.

— Gigi, 25

There's this guy who keeps a very organized timeline of events.

This guy and I had been casually hooking up for about a month before he decided I apparently owe him every waking moment of my life.

— Jen*, 22

There's this guy who's super into panties.

If only my screen was a little bigger. He just told me he destroyed Uptown Girl at karaoke, so I said "Oh la la, definitely a panty dropper." To which he replied, "I have so many to take home" and "sort of haha." Then this happened. Wasn't really sure how to respond after that exchange.

— Marie*, 22

There's this guy who just wanted a little bit of honesty.

We went on ONE DATE and never even hooked up. Also I ran into him at a bar once and he was wearing True Religions. I just feel like that's a relevant detail to throw out there.

— McKenzie*, 23

There's this guy who just CANNOT with the "hahas" and smileys.

I was actually hooking up with this guy for a while. Needless to say, this was the end of that.

— Marnie*, 22

Hope these bad boys made you feel better about that kind of weird text you sent after that extra tequila shot last night.

* Name has been changed.