The Key To A Healthy Relationship Is A Lot Of Unhealthy Relationships

by Gigi Engle

Having an unhealthy relationship sucks harder than a Hoover, and the breakup that eventually accompanies it is like an atom bomb that is dropped on your life.

We’ve all been there. No one has ever just gone through life swimmingly, never experiencing a toxic romance.

We’ve all fallen victims to the codependence, the emotional abuse or the losers. We’ve all had sh*tty boyfriends or girlfriends. There is just no denying that.

The thing is, though, while these experiences are anything but ideal, they actually are the main ingredients in all of your future, healthy relationships.

Without anything to compare your happiness to, how can you know if it’s real happiness? We need to deal with the sh*t in order to be able to smell it.

You have to know a bad person to know to stay far away from one.

We need awful experiences in order to fully appreciate the good ones. We need to know what is bad if we want to know what is great.

There are innumerable lessons we unknowingly glean from our terrible past relationships.

You figure out a lot about yourself and a lot about what you want out of a partner.

You learn it is okay to make mistakes and to try and make better choices in the future.

The key to having a healthy relationship is to have a lot of unhealthy relationships.

You learn the signs of unhealthy relationships, so you can take note.

Once you’ve experienced an unhealthy relationship and are finally free, you will be able to analyze and assess all of the qualities in your partner and your relationship that made it so toxic.

Upon accepting these qualities were damaging, you’ll be able to recognize them, should they rear their ugly heads during your next romantic endeavor. You’ll be able to jump ship before it sinks.

You learn what you want in a relationship.

You also learn exactly what you do NOT want out of a relationship.

There is no better way to learn what you want and deserve than to face exactly the opposite of what you want and deserve.

It may be a really horrible experience, but your future relationships will thank you for it.

You learn about your feelings.

You figure out what is good and what is bad. You start to understand certain things make you feel certain ways.

When someone or something is constantly making you feel sad and anxious, that someone or something is not good for you.

When you’re in a bad romance, your feelings can be very muddled and confusing, but when you come out on the other side, they are crystal clear. You’ll be sure to never let your heart ache like that ever again.

You learn your limits.

You are able to determine exactly where your limits lie. You learn precisely how much you can take before you break down. Nothing can force you to your edge like a truly unhealthy relationship.

When someone you supposedly love is making you so crazy and is hurting you so much that you feel like you are going to explode, that is your breaking point.

It’s a lot about self-discovery and understanding what you’re capable of.

You learn what qualities you aren’t willing to tolerate.

Should it be laziness, uncalled for spouts of aggression or a need to constantly nag, you will become acutely aware of what you will and will not take from a partner.

After dealing with someone who acts like a 5-year-old or a vicious dictator, you will stop putting up with the bullsh*t and start getting real.

You learn how to compromise.

An unhealthy relationship means a lot of compromise.

Most of the time, it will be you who is doing the compromising to suit your partner’s needs, but nevertheless, you will still learn how.

You will also figure out what you aren’t willing to compromise on.

You know now where you stand on some of the most important issues in your life and will not back down.

You get stronger. Next time around when you’re finally happy, you’ll appreciate it that much more.

You learn what a good relationship should look like.

Once you see the horrifying, disturbing, poisonous thing that is an unhealthy relationship, you start to truly understand what a good relationship should look like.

You see the great boyfriends and girlfriends your friends have and think to yourself, “Wow, I want that.” Next time, you will.

You learn to trust your gut.

In a bad relationship, your gut is constantly telling you something isn’t right, and yet you choose to ignore it.

You keep making excuses and justifications for staying in someone toxic because you’re afraid to let go.

When it’s all over, you’ll know your gut was always right, and you will embrace it. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.

You learn how to separate your emotional side from your logical side.

When you’re in love, it’s easy to completely neglect all logic and reason and just think with your emotions.

You end up going down the darkest of rabbit holes because instead of opening your eyes and thinking clearly about the situation, you just go for it.

In the future, you will remember that getting caught up in the lust and passion can only lead to disaster.

You learn about responsibility.

Having control over your life is the most important thing in the world, and you need to take responsibility for that control.

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you have to recognize it likely isn’t only your partner’s fault things aren’t working.

You have to accept it is the TWO of you who are bad for each other.

You have to acquiesce to the reality that you are a willing participant in this train wreck of a relationship.

You learn your happiness is what matters most.

You shouldn’t stay with someone just because it’s safe. If you’re unhappy, leave.

Being miserable makes life completely unlivable.

The constant anxiety, the constant fear and the constant fights are enough to push anyone over the edge.

After you break free, you will really come to be thankful for your happiness and be willing to do anything to cultivate and nurture that happiness.

You learn how to break up with someone.

The hardest and most rewarding thing that comes out of unhealthy, dismal, tragic relationships is mastering the art of the breakup.

All too often people stay in relationships far longer than they should solely for the purpose of not having to break up with someone.

Breakups sucks. No one can argue with that. With practice, they become easier, and after facing enough sh*tty relationships, you will become great it.