What You Need To Hear If You Can't Break The Habit Of Being In Relationships

by Kate Solberg
Carles Rodrigo Monzo

Relationships are hard for everyone, but a select few of us thrive on them. We almost need them to function. For those of us, there is a way to find a healthy balance. It's not easy, but it could be a start.

I'm a relationship girl. Some (OK, most) would say I'm a relationship addict. I'm always getting into commitments really quickly. I get so excited about sharing love, fun and romance with a special someone that I just jump in head first. I'm always thinking about my future with the person I'm with, even from very early into our time together.

The minute I share my overflowing feelings with a new partner, he walks right out of the relationship. I find myself rushing into things, and I can't seem to stop myself. I want to settle down with the perfect guy, and I don't wait for love to just happen.

After learning my lack of patience wasn't helping my love life, I realized something: I can't change how other people operate in relationships. I also probably can't change the fact I'm addicted to commitment, but I can change my attitude towards it. In the process of doing so, I can also become a more desirable partner.

Some of us were born with this natural desire to always be in relationships. We value monogamy and intimacy, and that doesn't make us flawed. But, it does make it harder for us to be — and stay — single.

Personally, I try as fast as I can to move on to someone new after a breakup. I never give myself time to be alone, and I'm constantly on dating apps. I try to find dates or people to text, just so I can fill the void that was recently filled by someone I thought may be "the one."

However, this time around, I'm taking the advice my friends have given me breakup after breakup. It's a piece of wisdom I consistently ignored because I hoped I would find someone new to make my heartbreak feel less tragic.

The love you desire will come in time. Wait for it.

People who love to be in relationships have a lot to give, including loyalty, time and energy. We're good catches. The important thing to remember is that not everyone who manages to catch us is worthy of that special kind of love.

Though the withdrawal is painful, both physically and emotionally, we must remember addicts can only heal after the withdrawal period has passed. If we're not healed, we can't possibly give all that we have within us to someone else and expect it to be returned.

We're not giving our love from the right places in our hearts; we're giving it in a desperate attempt to reach the next "high." If a person can fill your addiction, then he or she is likely not the person who's meant to be your partner.

Life doesn't stop in between serious relationships. We don't get anywhere by wondering when we'll find the next objects of our affection. We can grow by exploring other sides our ourselves, by getting to know who we are.

Even though it's hard, remember you will always recover. The proverbial cold sweats, fevers and chills will also pass in time. If you wait it out, you will emerge from that place as a stronger, more whole version of yourself.

You will be ready to take on a real love, a love that's meant to last. You won't find yourself in a relationship with another person who isn't worthy of your affection. Remember you deserve much better. Embrace your loneliness, and you will find a person who loves you for who you are.