I find men who are both confident and ambitious irresistibly sexy.
Could this dangerously alluring cocktail of the male species be the reason my love life is in shambles 99 percent of the time?
My perilous taste in these types of men has time after time led me to find myself involved in some sort of tricky love triangle.
Urban Dictionary defines a love triangle as this:
When two people both love a third person, and that third often loves them both.
However, I am not referring to any sister-wife strife or baby mama drama here.
I am talking about falling in love with someone who is utterly and without a doubt head over heels in love with him- or herself.
These are the boys your mother, sister, brother and aunt warned you about.
These all-too-common creatures suck you in, charm you and drive you Angelina Jolie circa 1999 in "Girl, Interrupted" levels of crazy.
The foreign peasants I speak of are sly imitations of the confident and ambitious men who are actually capable of healthy relationships.
Considering these Clooney wannabes come in all shapes and sizes, it's important to know what sets them apart.
By now, I feel our generation might as well minor in figuring out and eliminating these narcissistic assh*les.
I call this pest control.
1. These boys do not share the spotlight.
As much as they may seem confident, they are easily intimidated.
They are shy little creatures.
This man might imply he wants a career-orientated woman to role play Jay Z and Beyoncé with.
But in reality, he wants his own personal cheerleader who stays in her little glass box.
At times, you might find him putting you down and holding you back from amazing opportunities.
It's 2016. F*ck his glass box.
The right man will always push you to excel in all areas of life.
He will genuinely want what is best for your future.
2. Beware of the control freak.
Eventually, he might try to take control of almost every aspect of your life.
If you have to think, "Would my boyfriend approve of this?" before 95 percent of your commitments, you have a stage-five crazy on your hands.
It's time to abort.
Believe it or not, you do not have to seek approval from your boyfriend before every action you take.
Talk about anxiety.
3. They are actually insecure.
A good man doesn't feel the need to brag about how many ladies are dying to get his digits because he actually has a brain and knows his worth.
He knows yours, too.
Think of his need to repeatedly put you down as a coping mechanism to rationalize his smaller-than-average genitalia.
Make more sense?
4. There are better fish in the sea.
You will find someone who treats you like an actual queen.
I am not talking about unicorns or mythical creatures.
These men really do exist, and there is one waiting for you.
Since the termination of my last pest situation, I have experienced men out there who actually want me to go out with my girls and have fun on Friday nights.
Shockingly enough, this was so unbelievably foreign to me.
These types of men (or "Prince Charmings," as I like to call them) actually want to get to know my friends.
They encourage me to take healthy risks in all aspects of my life.
It's the little things.
In other words, I am giving you hope and a reason to let go of that narcissistic assh*le who is totally killing your positive vibes and willingly dragging you down with him.