Ah, ghosting. It's the dating phenomenon that happens when people are too cowardly to actually end things with the people they've been seeing, so they choose to just… disappear instead.
Ghosters are idiots. But if you've ever been ghosted, know that you're not alone.
In this weekly column, I share a tale of a time a reader was ghosted (with accompanying screenshots) so you can see the last text that was sent or words that were uttered before someone decided to disappear forever. I present to you: Boom, Ghosted.
This week we have Rachel*, who was brave enough to share with us the messages from the guy who told her he could definitely see a future with her, took her virginity, then decided to disappear from her life completely.
When she finally confronted him to ask if this was really over, he responded with a (**SPOILER ALERT**) super respectable, "I guess so."
Read the story, accompanied by screenshots, from Rachel's point of view below.
I met a guy from Coffee Meets Bagel. When I first met "E" let's call him, I couldn't help but wonder how I hadn't met him before in my life. To be perfectly honest, despite feeling that way, I didn't have many expectations about the entire thing because after all, we had met online and what are the chances of something serious developing from a dating app? Fast forward four months later, we were still talking every single day and meeting up at least once a week. I began realizing that I seriously liked this guy and would possibly be having sex for the first time with him! Despite talking every day and talking about how we both really liked each other, we didn't make it exclusive (even though if it was up to me, I would've made him bae). I didn't bring it up to him until after I had sex with him for the first time because I didn't want to seem clingy or demanding. But even before all of that, we had this conversation about where this was potentially going:
Although part of me was ready to walk away, he had said that he could definitely see us getting more serious in the future so I guess I was hanging on to that sentence when I finally decided that I was ready to take that physical step with him four months in. Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here and bash E, because it really was special to me and in all fairness, he didn't ghost me right after that experience. (Disclaimer: he never knew I was a virgin). It was about two weeks after we had hooked up that I started noticing something strange with him. He was someone that would literally text me every day, multiple times a day, so when the conversations began decreasing to only morning texts, I began questioning to myself what was going on. I would try to engage him in more conversation throughout the day but it was just not the same, until he completely started ignoring me. Then a few days later, he texts me to tell me "he's sorry for being so MIA lately" and ask me how I was doing. At this point, I definitely knew something was up, so I was being Sassy Sally and gave him a snarky remark that I was "fabulous." That would be the last word that I would tell him, before he completely detached. I gave him some more time to reach out, because up until then, he would always talk to me. But of course, there was nothing. Two days after that, I texted him because I just couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I would no longer bother him but I just needed to know if "it" was over. Here's the conversation that ensued, the last I ever heard from E:
So what do you think? As I've seen a decent amount of these, I will credit this guy for actually responding to her and giving her a reason when she reached out for closure. Pretty pathetic that we live in a world where we actually have to credit someone for that, right?
No matter what though, I just can't excuse the idea of this guy giving her the hope of something more only to think it would be fine to drop off the face of the earth without any explanation a few short weeks later. Good for Rachel for calling him out, though.
So what do you guys think? Do you think he handled the situation as poorly as I do? Maybe you've been through something like this. Comment your reactions here and let's talk about it!
If you have any of your own ghosting stories you'd like to share with the column, feel free to send them over to me on Facebook.
*Name has been changed.