The phrase “chivalry is dead” has been in vogue for decades. In fact, not long ago, Elite Daily contributing writer John Picciuto took on the concept “from a man’s perspective.” He joined the mainstream media by blaming hookup culture for what’s happening.
I respectfully disagree. It’s not so much that chivalry is dead, but that the ways in which men act gentlemanly or chivalrously are changing and adapting to the current times. While these types of behaviors might have ebbed in the 90s and 2000s, it seems they’re coming back.
For years, society has been urging men to become better, and now, plenty of young men are interested in ditching hookup culture to learn how to court and date women as their fathers and grandfathers did.
Rather than focusing on how part of our culture is dead and reveling in the misery, we should go on more dates, but also, better and more fulfilling dates.
Picciuto seems to have traditional values at his core. He wants to go on dates with women. He wants to open car doors, pick up the check and woo them a bit before hopping into bed.
Well, obviously. People don’t respect things that they don’t earn and come easily. Even the most valuable thing in the world isn’t worth much of anything if it didn’t take much effort to attain.
While there’s nothing wrong with meaningless, empty sex per se, it is undoubtedly a bit, well, meaningless and empty. I have nothing against a casual roll in the hay, however, something about two people who have really gotten to know each other, established some mutual respect, trust and created a real connection makes hopping into bed more enjoyable. So, some advice for the men who are looking for a return to chivalrous ways:
You need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
This means becoming a master of the fine art of conversation and finding women who appreciate your appreciation of them; women who want to be valued and want men who value them. It means holding yourself to a higher standard so that you can hold others in your life to a higher standard as well.
Ultimately, the key to leading a better life — be it in the world of romance, friendship or business — is about being a better man.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.
Photo via Silver Lining Playbook