You meet a girl who loves spending time with you, calls and texts you 50 times a day and lavishes you with attention whenever you’re together.
However, after the warm and fuzzy honeymoon stage of the relationship has passed, there comes a point where you realize her proximity, her habits and her extreme mood swings aren’t as cute as they first appeared – in fact, instead of the sweet doting girl you thought you’d met, you have in fact ended up with a clingy girlfriend.
Being a clingy girlfriend doesn’t encompass only a physical facet of your relationship. A truly needy girl is desperate for your attention and emotions at all times, and it can be exceptionally draining on you, herself and everyone else around you.
If your relationship has more in common with a hostage situation than a healthy relationship, you may in a relationship with a clingy girl. Here are a couple of ways to spot them:
She’s always THERE
She can’t go a day without seeing you - she shows you unannounced at your apartment, she’s waiting for you outside of your workplace, in the bathroom when you take a dump and surprising you at the foot of your bed when you wake up.
She claims that it’s because she misses you and that she can’t live without you. Can’t live without you – isn’t that one of the mottos of serial killers? Detach yourself immediately, because it’s a slippery slope from girlfriend, to stalker, to boiling your pet rabbit, to restraining order.
She calls/texts you incessantly
She sends you nonsensical text messages like a smiley face and a heart. When you don’t respond immediately, she’ll assume something is wrong and bombard you with texts and calls until you react. Don’t be surprised if you step away from your phone for half an hour and return to 10 missed calls and 20 text messages.
God forbid you are stuck somewhere where there is no cell phone reception – anticipate a search and rescue team seeking your whereabouts once you do emerge.
She blows up your Facebook and Twitter
Social media is the ultimate public display of affection because everyone knows that relationships aren’t official until you update the relationship status field on your Facebook page. While a couple of cute notes and comments on Facebook is generally considered sweet, commenting on everything you post and blowing up your wall with declarations of love will result in you being ridiculed by your guy friends and making you look whipped.
She also has your Facebook and Twitter page open at all times, refreshing every couple of minutes to monitor if any other girls have engaged in any activity on your page – because of course, that means you’re obviously banging the other girl any time you do not pick up your phone.
She wants to have your baby
Clingy bitches will always try to attach herself to you in one way or another – and what better way than to get herself pregnant with your child? She lies about taking her birth control and pokes holes in the condoms before fucking your brains out just to impregnate herself with your little guys.
And as soon as you realize her craziness and try to leave her? Boom – she’ll claim that she’s with child, and you’re the baby daddy.
She talks about marriage
When you’ve been in a long term relationship for a few years, the conversation about marriage seems pretty normal, expected even. However, Clingy likes to speed up this process by bringing up the M word in the first three months of the relationship.
Sure, you might not live together, haven’t met her parents or even engaged in anal – but all these factors are oblivious to Clingy because she knows that “you’re the one! Why wait?” Why wait indeed?! I say wait no more, put on your sneakers, grab your shit out of her apartment and peace out muthafucker.
She keeps asking if you love her
The answer is no. Always NO.
Trophy Wife | Elite.
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