'Spiritual Research' Claims Gay People Are Actually Just Possessed By Ghosts

by Sean Abrams
Columbia Pictures

A paranormal research organization claims gay men aren't born gay. Rather, they are possessed by female ghosts.

Now, I've heard a lot of homophobic mumbo jumbo in my life that tries to explain homosexuality, but this is the most absurd theory I've heard in a long, long time.

The Spiritual Science Research Foundation, known for "bridging the known and unknown worlds," is claiming 85 percent of the world's homosexual men are being deeply controlled by wispy, transparent lady entities, which leads to their attraction to the same sex.

“The ghost's consciousness overpowers the person's normal behavior to produce the homosexual attraction,” SSRF explains in great detail.

They say,

The main reason behind the gay orientation of some men is that they are possessed by female ghosts. It is the female ghost in them that is attracted to other men. Conversely, the attraction to females experienced by some lesbians is due to the presence of male ghosts in them.

The organization claims the other 15 percent of gay people have experienced hormonal changes or repetitive feelings for the same sex as a young teen.

But, ultimately, when it doubt on what "caused" someone's sexual preference, just blame it on the ghosts.

Spiritual Science Research Foundation

"Due to being possessed by ghosts, the majority of the LGBT population is more susceptible to being influenced by negative energies who give them thoughts to encourage them to display their homosexuality in a shameless and even aggressive manner," SSRF says.

What would fall under that "shameless" and "aggressive" umbrella, you ask?

Well, according to the SSRF, we gays broadcast our homosexuality to any and all members of the public due to our chronic narcissism.

That's exactly why we have the innate desire to hold festivals, rallies, parades and parties.

Apparently, it's all in hopes we'll "emit negative energy for up to 10 kilometers" and infect others with our ghostly gayness! Because obviously!

Oh, let us not forget this research puts indulging in homosexual activity right up there with sins such as public assault and MURDER.

Though I have the childlike innocence of Judy Garland and the ass of Marilyn Monroe, I can tell you that I am, in fact, not possessed by a ghost and also am not a murderer.

I chalk up my pale, ghost-like skin to laziness and a general disdain for the outdoors, and I have yet to burst into flames while kissing another man. But hey, I'm still young!

I can tell you that I am, in fact, not possessed by a ghost and also am not a murderer.

Seriously, though, I'm not looking to "overcome" my sexuality with some chanting or bizarre healing remedies. Thanks for the offer, though.

The egos of the entire gay population don't need to be deflated, and the celebration of our progression isn't a sign we're yearning for attention.

In fact, it's evidence of a world that's more open, more welcome and big-hearted, and one that I'd like to continue to live in.

And by the way, Spiritual Science Research Foundation, I've had sex with girls before.

And I can tell you this: Even if it means I'm "going to Hell," I'd choose a dick every goddamn day of the week.

Citations: 85% of gay people are possessed by ghosts according to 'spiritual research' (LGBTQ Nation), Symptoms of Ghost Affecting or Possessing a Person (Spiritual Science Research Foundation)