I Went On 30 First Dates With Different Women, And This Is What I Learned
First of all, let's get out of the way one very important fact: Men will never truly understand women. It's just impossible. You can have all the knowledge on women in the world, but you will never — as a man — live through their experiences. So, in essence, we as men will never truly be able to comprehend a woman to the full extent.
Women are extremely complex creatures, and they're all unique in ways that a man could never even begin to put into words. So, with that said, don't think for a minute this article reveals some secret to getting in their pants. Sorry, that wasn't my thought process or my intent by going on 30 first dates with different women. I simply wanted to learn what women are truly looking for, and what keeps their interest in a man.
Why did I do this? What would possess a man to literally, break the bank (because let's get real, four dates a week will do that), just for knowledge about women? Well, I had a moment of realization that what I assumed I knew about women was wrong.
After many failed relationships, I wanted to get it right. I had done the work to improve myself (with the help of therapy), but I still needed to understand the other side. So, I brought the idea to my therapist one day in a session.
She knew I was doing the online dating thing rather successfully, so my plan was entirely possible. But, it would take a lot of work. I told her I was up for it, she reluctantly supported it and so I began.
Let me tell you, it was worth it.
Once I started getting to know these women, they would ask for my story. Well, this was when I would explain to them what I was doing. I will admit that not all of my dates were intrigued or interested in taking part in my so-called “experiment,” but most were completely open to it. Why? Because as much as they wanted me to know, they want other men to know, too.
They want a man to ask the questions and to make an effort to gain an understanding. That way, they can stop bending over backwards trying to spell it out for us. Once I opened myself up enough to see into the mind of a woman, I was blown away by the knowledge I received.
Here are five common truths they all shared:
1. Women see through all of our bullsh*t.
We thought we were so good at the game and that they fell for all of our BS lines. Well, that isn't true. She gave you a pass because she believes you have "potential." They will, however, give the benefit of the doubt sometimes. They'll hope that when the time is right, we will mold into exactly what they need.
The unfortunate thing is, men are often oblivious to anything missing because we don't look deep enough. If we are content, we don't question how she's doing. Well, if her needs are not being met and you aren't listening, her interest will fade. This is the point when she completely f*cks your world up because most men don't handle heartbreak well.
From what these women told me, when a woman is done, she is done. There's no going back, so sorry, brother.
2. They think awkwardness and nervousness can be adorable.
Let's understand the reality of every first date with a woman. She has most likely predetermined that she will go home early, and she likely has a friend that can come to her rescue. Unless you find a way to peak her interest quickly, she will begin preparations to exit the situation.
The easiest way to make her stay is to make her laugh. Don't be a fool, don't rehearse some joke from Google you find 30 minutes prior to your date and think that's going to do the trick. Think more casually.
Let me tell you something: If there is one thing a guy can naturally pull off, it's funny. Why, you ask? Because we can be awkward as f*ck, and to a woman that's interested, that is adorable.
Let go of your fears and allow yourselves to be awkward. You have no idea how much she wishes you would be more vulnerable. She doesn't need Mr. Chill. She needs that awkward slip-up that makes you unique, cute and human.
The women I went on dates with were all about cute. Awkward, shy and nervous all came off as adorable to them because it proved I was being honest. Every single guy on Earth is awkward on a first date, unless he's a narcissist. So, be awkward and be OK with it. She'll love it.
3. Be honest to a fault.
Your secrets are your enemy. Do not bring them into a new opportunity with a woman. Transparency is paramount.
Do you have to spill every deep, dark sordid tale of your life? Of course not, but be upfront about who you are and what you are about. If your honesty proves to be a failure the majority of the time, then I'm sorry to say, but you need to take a deeper look at yourself.
In reality, if you are online dating, your truth should be appropriately displayed in your online profile. Don't come to a woman on a first date with some sort of hard truth like you have kids, are separated or not divorced officially. They need prior knowledge of such things.
Dropping bombs makes everyone run, so don't do that. Be real. You are who you are, and your life story is your life story. Guess what? If she can't handle your life story, then she doesn't belong in it. Embrace your truth, and appreciate a woman that accepts it, for as good or bad as it is. She's a special find.
4. Ask about her family, and learn about her life.
Whether she is close to her family or not, it is a part of who she is. Ask those questions, and learn. If she doesn't want to discuss her family, don't push it. But if she offers it, she is either close to them or bothered by the fact she isn't. The more you know about her family, the more insight you have as to why she is the way she is.
You are bound by the laws of dating — if at all possible — to gain the respect of her father, whether you think he is reasonable or not. He could end your relationship, and he will if he needs to. Her mother should be your biggest fan. Get in her good graces, or she will also find a way to send you packing down the highway to hell.
Pay attention, and learn about her family. The more you know, the better and the more comfortable she'll be with introducing you.
5. They appreciate a gentleman.
It's so easy to pull a chair out and open a door. She will judge you not by what you do right, but what you do wrong. She expects you to f*ck up (often), so try not to do so.
When you meet her, turn on the charm. If she's beautiful, say it. I'll do you one better: Compliment the outfit she chose. If she put in the work to look good for you, she should know you appreciate it. Don't be an overkill, but make her feel special. Let her know that you noticed her in a respectful way, and she'll notice you back.
How hard is it to give her respect? She doesn't have to go out with you; she can simply walk down the street and take her pick of someone else. We can't, so face it.
Check your ego at the door. You're not in the majority here. She chose you, so show her that you are worth her time. Be a man, mature and respectful. Give her your jacket if she's cold. Open every single door from the moment you meet, until the moment she leaves your presence.