Why You Will Never Find Your Prince Charming

Where oh where are you Prince Charming? Snorting coke off a hooker’s ass in the Caribbean most likely. Women, ladies, girls and bitches — lend me your ears: Prince Charming only exists in fairy tales. So yes, you have one of three options.

You either become a nun, start munching carpets, or take your chances selecting a keeper out of a box full of damaged and confused goods. I’m sorry ladies, but your Prince Charming won’t be found; you’ll just have to settle for normal.

I know what you’re thinking: Paul Hudson is just sour because he has finally come to the realization that he is an asshole and that no woman would want him. Nothing could be further from the truth. I realized that I’m an asshole sometime back in the 7th or 8th grade — so no surprise there.

And as far as women not wanting me…I can’t even type that with a straight face. But I’m not here to tell you how fucking awesome I am; I doubt you need verification. What you need is to be reminded that men are selfish, self-centered, flawed human beings just like you.

If you’re looking for Prince Charming to come sweep you away and counterbalance how damaged you are, then I think it’s time for you to float off that cloud and back down to reality.

Considering how much of a mess you are — how could you possibly come to the conclusion that there is a perfect guy out there for you? Experiencing life the way you experienced it, knowing all the shit that goes on, all the lying, stealing, all the hatred and the violence, how could you even fathom the thought that there could exist a man, or any person for that matter, that has made it through the brush without at least a couple of scratches?

Life is a bitch and it doesn’t leave a single soul unscathed. However damaged you are, however many skeletons you have in your closet, chances are the person you will end up meeting and marrying will have just as high of a body count, if not higher.

I don’t believe that you understand the disappointment that you are setting yourself up for. Not only are you grasping at something that does not exist, you are also setting your expectations so high that when you do get disappointed, you won’t be the only one paying for your naivety.

What do you think will happen when after a few months of dating you come to the conclusion that your new man isn’t Prince Charming after all? Do you think you’ll be able to admit to yourself that you are dating ‘just another guy’? No no no — you’ll do what every woman does: pout in silence.

Charming, assuming he cares for you, will know that something isn’t quite right, but chances are that you won’t bring up the fact that your high expectations of him amounted to a huge disappointment. You should have asked him if he had a white steed before you fucked him in the club bathroom stall.

If you continue to believe in fairy tales, then you are only setting yourself up for heartache. A man is only a man — he will never be able to live up to the expectations that you are setting for him; the bar is set too high. Ever notice how fairy tales end with the prince finding his new bride? Kiss and fade out: ‘They lived happily ever after. The End.’

You’re never told how exactly the happy new couple manages to live happily ever after — and all for one simple reason: it’s not possible. There is no happily ever after and therefore there is no Prince Charming either. Men can’t possibly live up to your expectations if you’re setting the bar at the princely level.

How do you think this makes us feel? We could try to be the Prince Charming that you hoped we would be, but since we are only human we will fail miserably. You’re ridiculous notion of finding the perfect mate screws with us just as much as it does with you.

You are a mess. You don’t have your shit together. Let’s be honest: you’re fucked up. And that is beautiful. Being damaged and slightly mentally unstable is what life is all about — it makes life worth living.

Instead of searching for Prince Charming in order to verify to yourself that although you are unable of attaining perfection, you’re able of attaining someone that is — bathe in the sea of flaws that you are.

You’re a bit of a bitch with a slight drinking problem and daddy issues. Well, you’re basically every man’s wet dream. So instead of pretending like you’re not a drunken whore, indulge in the fact.

Find yourself someone just as messed up as you and enjoy the twisted emotional rollercoaster of a relationship awaiting you. Life is perfect because of all the flaws and so is the line-snorting narcissistic Prince Charming that awaits you.

Paul Hudson | Elite. 

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