Relationships are full of milestones.
There's the day you met. The day you went on your
first date. Your first kiss. The first time you had sex. The first time you said "I love you."
And somewhere along the way, there's the first time you farted in front of your SO.
I don't care how much you pretend to disagree with me, the first time you
fart in front of your boyfriend is A MILESTONE. Maybe not as big as the other ones but it's still up there. The first time you fart in front of your boyfriend is A MILESTONE.
The first time you fart in front of your boyfriend is the moment your body has decided it's just as comfortable with him as your heart is. It's a beautiful moment, really. Minus the smelliness and the gross noise.
So, I asked women to tell me their stories of the first times they farted in front of their boyfriends. READ AND REJOICE.
They were hanging out in bed, and he FREAKED. We were sitting in bed.
Well, I was sitting and he was lying down. And I just kind of let one rip under the covers. I thought it would be quiet, but no. It was very loud indeed.
Instead of just letting it go like a normal fucking person, he goes, "GIGI, DID YOU JUST FART!?" and I figured, well, there is no turning back from here. So, I said, 'Yes.'
And he said, 'Gross!' and then, I got mad. Who the fuck was he to say I am gross, and meanwhile, he farts all over me, all day, every day?
So, I went on a five-minute rant about how I would not cater to his fragile male ego, that I was normal human person with normal bodily functions and he should be fine with, nay, DELIGHTED that my body acted like a normal body.
— Gigi, 26
He was rubbing her naked butt when it happened. I don't remember the first time, but I do remember when he was rubbing my naked bum and I laughed and farted right into his bare hand. Proceeded to laugh and fart more. He "ewwww"ed a little and laughed with me. It was a bonding moment. I still talk about it years later.
againthemagic She farted mid-sex. The first time I farted in front of my boyfriend was in high school. We were having sex on my bedroom floor while my parents were downstairs, and I farted. It was LOUD, and he stopped and laughed in my face.
— Isabel*, 23
He pretended not to notice. (What a gentleman.) Omg, this past Sunday! I don't mind, but he's made his feelings clear and doesn't in front of me, so I respect and reciprocate that. However, I've been having some weird body stuff happening, and I slept over on Saturday night. We were both in that I'm awake, but I'm not ready to commit to being alive still in bed phase early Sunday morning, and I forgot where I was. It was so loud. He noticed. I pretended to be asleep. He never mentioned it, bless him.
Sara_Shenanigans She woke them both up. Farted so loudly in my sleep that we both woke up and died laughing.
— Emily, 23
She assumed it wasn't going to be smelly. Rookie mistake. So usually, when I fart, it doesn't smell. Like 90 percent of the time, so for a few months, I had been farting in front of him, and he had NO idea... but then on Valentine's Day, after a super romantic night, I farted and it was the most awful-smelling thing in the world, and it wasn't just us two. So embarrassing.
— Sarah*, 23
She waited two years to let one rip. We had been dating two years by this time, and although he farts every chance he gets, I have been able to keep mine a secret.
After dinner one night, I talked him into doing an advanced pilates session with me.
I was totally owning the work out, and then, there I am in reverse bicycle upside down, when the loudest most un-cute fart happened. Airy and echoing. He still teases me about it.
— Holly, 31
It happened in the middle of their wrestling match. We were wrestling on the couch (I was winning) and I tooted loudly and we both laughed and continued pinning one another.
tea_bird All he could say was "woof." I farted in my sleep, and it woke us both up. His response was just "woof."
— Kelley, 25
OK, yes. Farts are gross. But they're also funny AF. TELL ME your heart isn't a little warmed after reading these stories.
Also, just to throw it out there,
people pooping their pants is the funniest effing thing that could ever happen ever. *Name has been changed.