While we all carry some emotional baggage in our lives, it turns out that some of us carry more than others. More traumatically, some of us allow the more troublesome problems from our pasts to transcend and damage our new relationships.
When past endeavors leave you hurt and empty, it is difficult to ignore because who wants to go through that pain again? How do you open up enough to trust again and risk being hurt all over? Every fling you’ve had or will have in the future will affect your others. This is all part of life, but how it affects you is your choice.
The worst mistake people make when diving into a new partnership is bringing their previous issues along for the ride. In order to fully move on from one person to the next, you must let go of all the hurt; take your failed relationship as a lesson and use what you learned to make your new one better.
By holding onto the emotional attachments you had with an ex, you prevent yourself from being fully immersed in your new partner. Rather than allowing your past to pull you down and harmfully impact your future, use your experiences to grow and learn about yourself.
If past feelings are never dealt with, they will undeniably cause harm in your next relationship. Sometimes we do not even realize we are carrying this emotional baggage and by the time we do realize it, the damage has already been done.
In order to enjoy a happy and healthy partnership you must learn to recognize this baggage so that you can properly deal with it. Ask yourself what you would like to do differently in the future and realize it is best to be able to stand on your own before moving on.
A mourning period between relationships is vital to the successful of any new partnership. People will mourn in different ways, whether constructively or destructively, but the point is to mourn and move on, take nothing with you but memories and lessons. The mourning period is meant for healing, looking inwards, and scrutinizing what went wrong with your last partner.
Trust is the foundation on which kinship is built and without it, you don’t stand a chance. This is the dominant issue that is constantly being dragged from one relationship to the next. Just because one of your exes has hurt you does not guarantee they all will. If you imply that you don’t trust your new boyfriend with the sole reason you have previously been cheated on, he won’t stick around for long and you will have no one to blame but yourself.
By not working out these issues, you are ruining your next relationship without even trying. Instinctively, getting hurt in the past will force a person to build walls around themselves to prevent a similar pain from reoccurring.
Although you may think these walls will protect you, in actuality they are doing the complete opposite. These walls will ultimately make you unhappy and full of regret because they will push you away from what you want the most. No one can make you tear those walls down but yourself. Every new relationship has something new to offer and by building walls around yourself you are limiting the potential of what this new union will bring.
Life is about the way we are changed by our experiences and from these experiences you must learn and allow yourself to grow as a person. You have to gather up the courage to let past baggage go and give your new partner a clean slate; you cannot make them suffer for what others have done to you. Each new person has the right to be evaluated based on their own virtues and faults.
You don’t want to miss out on getting to know someone because you are constantly projecting your past negative experiences onto them. DO NOT measure your guy’s worth by someone else’s mistakes. By clinging on to your past, you’ll be stuck in a miserable memory that will hinder your chance of happiness and love. Never compare but always remain aware.
A person’s past does not dictate the future; however, our past experiences and relationships have a profound influence on the people we are drawn to, and also on how we think, feel and behave in our present relationships. It’s okay to be protective of your heart as long as it doesn’t lead you to sabotaging your new relationship.
Ashley Fern | Elite