Boy meets girl. Boy has sex with girl. Girl wonders if boy is only using her for sex.
As a professional matchmaker, I see the underbelly of the dating scene. There is nothing worse than falling for a guy who is only interested in spending time with you between the sheets. Deciphering this can seem impossible, so I'm here to break it down for you.
1. You always go to drinks.
If a guy is interested in dating you and more than just sleeping with you, he will want to spend genuine time getting to know you. While downing beer and rosé can be a ton of fun and a great first date, if this is the only activity your guy invites you to, consider this a red flag.
Drinks are such a great first date because there is minimal investment for both time and money.
A guy who is genuinely looking to get to know you outside of the bedroom will take pride in thinking up different date activities for you to do together.
One of the joys of being in a relationship is experiencing new and exciting things together, be it a new restaurant, museum exhibit or exploring the farmers market down the street.
Drinks are a fun date from time to time, but drinks are a fuckboys consistent go-to.
2. You are not connected on social media.
If you have been dating a guy for more than three months, you should be either Facebook friends, following each other on Instagram, or at the very least, be able to view each others Snap Stories.
If your guy is secretive about his various social media accounts or if you are “pending” in any of the social media realms, you are well within your rights to be suspect.
Whenever a woman with a history of being used by f*ckboys comes into my office to talk about her experience, the common thread is that these guys mysteriously didn't have Facebook accounts.
I have heard one too many stories of a guy who conveniently doesn't have social media and ends up casually having a second family living in Irvine.
I genuinely did not think that this actually happened in real life, but years of coaching the single women of LA, NY and San Francisco taught me otherwise.
If a guy doesn't have any form of social media, nine times out of ten, he is hiding something.
3. You met him on Tinder.
You would think that as a professional matchmaker, I would hate all of the dating apps, but in reality, I only hate a few.
At my company, we even do a dating app takeover, where I will physically take over a client's dating website/app accounts and show them how to get quality matches. But, Tinder is a tough one for me to get on board with. While I do believe that there are some great guys on Tinder, there is an incredible amount of BS, as it's truly a breeding ground for f*ckboys.
The original goal of Tinder was to be a hook up app. When I was on Tinder a while back, I remember talking to a seemingly sweet guy with a good job in finance, and being excited to meet him.
We texted every day leading up to our initial meeting, and we really seemed to hit it off with fun banter throughout the day. The day of our first date came, and I asked him where I should meet him, and, low and behold, he invited me to his place to drink wine and watch a movie.
I, of course, declined, and was upset at first.
Tinder is like the McDonalds of dating. You get the instant gratification from all of the attractive guys swiping right on you, but ultimately not the best quality of meat (pun intended).
4. He is MIA.
If your guy is consistently out of town, visiting family or traveling for work, you are looking at a ton of red flags.
There are genuine men who happen to be super busy, but if a guy is never available, he is not ready for a relationship and is most likely just enjoying your company in the bedroom.
5. He's “not looking for anything serious.”
This phrase kills me. If a guy says this after you have slept together, it's time to seriously re-evaluate your involvement with him.
When a man tells you what he wants, listen to him. You deserve to be with a man who actually wants to be a boyfriend to you.
If I have learned anything in my years as a matchmaker, I have learned that it doesn't matter if a woman is the most objectively beautiful woman with a fabulous personality and great sense of humor.
If a man is not at a place where he is ready to devote the time and energy that it takes to be in a relationship, it does not matter if he meets the most incredible woman alive—it will not work.