“If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t f*ck them.” John Waters
How do you judge a man? How do you determine his worth and his strength of character? How do you decide he's someone deserving of your heart?
By his height? His shoes? His voice?
Like a woman, there’s no one quality to judge him on, and many times the qualities we think we should look for end up deceiving us. A man may seem one way then prove to be another, taking with him all the signs we thought were so telling.
We look for clues and traits to tell us what kind of man he is. We spread opinions and theories like old adages and family recipes. "If he doesn't have a sister, he won't know what it means to respect a woman." Or, "If he's in finance, he won't know how to commit."
We pick up on small details and tiny habits, anything and everything to make us feel like he is the right -- or wrong -- person to let into our fragile worlds.
Does he have siblings? What about a car? What’s his job like? Does he dress well? What kind of music does he listen to? All of these are most definitely indicators of what he’s like, but not who he is. All of these are personality indicators, but not what kind of person he is.
There is one trait, however, that will always hold true for the man who possesses it. This trait is something that can’t be bought, made or feigned. It’s something that’s part of his soul, not just his identity. It's something that won't deceive you or give you the wrong impression.
It’s something that can only be found on bookshelves and printed library cards. It can be heard in conversations and by the way he talks... It's a man who reads.
He's a man who knows about books and authors and classic literature. He's a man who has traveled the world and been affected by war. He's a man well-versed in the struggles of the world. He's a man with empathy, compassion and wisdom. He's a man who knows how to love.
Next time you go out with a guy, before you find out if he likes to ski or drink, find out if he likes to read. Because if he likes to read, nothing else matters.
1. He’s well-traveled
He's been across the world, back in time and seen the future. He's been on journeys, met people of all color, race and social standing. He's lived as a refugee and as a prince. He's met women who have taught him about love and loss and learned what it's like to see things from another side.
2. He’s never going to stop in the middle
He’s not the kind of man who will cut things off without a proper ending. He understands the importance of finishing something he’s started and will never leave without closure.
He doesn't start something unless he knows he's going to finish it... even if he really just wants to drop it and start another one.
3. He knows how to use his mind
He’s a man with ideas. His mind is filled with countless notions and adages. He inhabits the lives of the protagonists he’s read and endures their struggles. He's well-rounded and ready to absorb whatever he can find next. He's thirsty, and that thirst for life is what makes him so captivating.
4. He knows about women
Unlike men who create fantasies and ideas of women they see on screen, men who read have a deeper understanding of the complex inner-workings of a woman.
A guy who reads is able to see things from her point of view and has not only seen, but has lived through her struggles.
5. He has a natural curiosity
He wonders about things outside of his sheltered life. He looks at the world as a vast universe of which every inch should be tasted. He's never going to settle for a life that isn't exploring and his curiosity will teach you about your own.
6. He doesn’t judge by first glance
A man who understands the many depths and layers of a book understands the same about people. He’s not one to classify or judge on first impressions, and always finds the people with the most pages the most intriguing.
7. He knows how to read between the lines
He hasn’t become a reader without learning how to pick up on clues. He knows how to look past the false excuses and all the times she says, "I’m fine." He sees things on a deeper level and will never be one of those men who just "doesn't get it."
8. He has a spine
Like the books he reads, he has a strong back. He holds himself up and doesn’t fall apart at the slightest tear. He has morals and values and will never go missing without a final word. He stands up to adversity and knows the making of a man with principles.
9. He knows how to spot a classic (woman)
Like that book no one wants to read because it’s long, tedious and outdated, a man who likes to read understands the value of a classic.
He isn’t turned away by long introductions and difficult words. He knows things that are the most complex are always worth the undertaking.
10. He doesn’t mind things that are used
A used book is better than a new one because it has character. No one goes through life unmarked and any man who reads knows that a partner’s history is part of him and is what makes him or her so valuable and unique. He doesn’t judge by age or wear and tear.
He likes to find the rarest ones in obscure places, searching high and low for the ones worth the search.
11. He knows how to pick ‘em
He's not the kind of guy who goes for the first thing that catches his eye. He does his research, gets a feeling or pines after a certain one for months. He doesn't take his decision lightly, as he makes sure never to start something unless he has the time to finish it.
His collection represents who he is, where he's been and what kind of story he's looking for.