Relationships are not without work. Most of us who either are or have been in long-term relationships (any kind of long-term relationship) know this. That said, there is a limit to the compromises in a relationship that you should be making. Not everything is up for discussion.
When my husband and I got married, I was thrilled because I never thought I would find someone who fit me perfectly in every single way. In prior relationships, I had compromised so much on what I liked to do, how I did things, and even sometimes who I was. I sort of thought that's how all relationships were supposed to be, and it's no wonder I hated them! I would end relationships as soon as they started to stifle me at all. It turns out, I was just in the wrong ones.
In a healthy, happy relationship with the person who is meant for you, there are certain things you shouldn't have to compromise on at all. Sure, in the day-to-day, you are two different people with two different personalities, so things will come up. That said, the bigger things — the things that make you you — are not to be messed with.
Here are seven compromises you should never make in any romantic relationship.
1. Your Personal And Professional Goals
Don't let a partner get between you and any of your goals — personal, professional, or otherwise.
A truly supportive partner in a truly healthy relationship will want to help you accomplish your goals, not keep you from living your dreams. Even if they don't understand it (for example, if you want to be a partner at your law firm and your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't understand because they're an artist), they should still be cheering you on every step of the way. If they aren't, then they aren't for you.
2. Your Friends
OK, so we all have that one friend who we should probably drop because they've just been with us too long. That said, your partner should be accepting of your relationships with your friends overall.
Even if they don't like one of your friends, your significant other needs to get on board with the fact that you do. They don't have to hang out with your friends all the time, and they don't have to become besties with your besties. But they do need to respect your choices. And that includes your choice of friends.
3. Your Family
All families are weird. Despite that fact, your partner shouldn't be trying to keep you from yours. They should know that a relationship with you comes with a relationship with your family and that they need to accept it, lovingly and easily. It's likely you'll have to deal with their family as well.
If your partner can't seem to get on board with your family and remains critical or voices that they don't ever want you to see your parents or siblings, there is a serious problem there.
4. Your Values
We all have certain things we hold dear. For example, I'm vegan, and I believe strongly in animal rights. This is a belief I have never, ever compromised in a relationship, nor should I ever have to. For the things that are deeply important to your soul, the things that matter to you more than anything else, you shouldn't be compromising at all.
Your partner doesn't have to be exactly like you, but they do need to respect who you are. In a healthy, happy relationship, your partner will actually value the fact that you have things that are important to you because they'll appreciate your passion and love. If they don't, move on now!
5. Your Idea Of Fun
Within reason, you shouldn't be changing that much about the way you like to have fun for your relationship. If your idea of fun is having sex with a different person every night, well, then, you need to find a relationship that allows you to be non-monogamous!
Too often, we like to do certain things alone or with friends, and then, we let those things go out the window when we're in a relationship. For example, my husband was super into the EDM and rave scene before we met. He felt that in prior relationships, he never really got to explore that. With me, though, he loves it, because now, the two of us go to raves together.
What we like to do for fun makes us who we are. If you have to change that for your partner, you are changing too much.
6. Your Sex Drive
It's true that partners often have differing sex drives. That said, you shouldn't be compromising too much about the way you like to get it on. If your sex drive would lead you to want sex every day, and your partner's would lead them to want sex every month, that's a problem.
The two of you will likely go up and down in terms of how much sex you have over time, but in a truly healthy, happy relationship, your sex drives should be as close to similar as possible. It'll ensure you stay getting busy and in love over the long haul.
7. Your Self-Esteem
The most important thing you shouldn't be compromising in a relationship is your self-esteem. You should never, ever be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way.
If your partner is criticizing you or making fun of you on a regular basis, then they aren't the partner you should be with. A loving, supportive partner who is made for you will love the little quirky things about you and will love your flaws just as much. Don't let your self-esteem get dented for someone who isn't worth it.
Although it's true that all relationships require some compromise, the best and healthiest relationships should also allow a lot of room to let you be yourself. If you find yourself compromising on any of the seven things on this list, you may want to rethink whether or not the person you're with is the person for you.
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