Ever since I started getting attention from guys and started getting into relationships, I admittedly became one of those girls who just simply could not be alone.
I became addicted to the high you're on when you first start talking to someone new.
I felt like I had become so used to the affection, attention and comfort of knowing there was someone there for you, I quite literally forgot how to happily live my life alone.
And when I was alone, I was actively looking for someone else or waiting for the next relationship or fling to start up. I never gave myself real time to embrace being alone.
Not only was the past me very unhealthy, but she was also rather pathetic.
So to any of you girls out there who think this sounds eerily familiar, hear me out: Do what makes you happy.
I relied on other people to create my happiness for me.
To me, happiness was that “good morning, beautiful” text.
Happiness was constant conversations with someone who was just saying what I wanted to hear, whether they really meant it or not.
Happiness was the company of someone else — even when the feeling you got when you were with them was more empty than it was fulfilling.
Happiness meant needing someone to make you feel good about yourself.
And that was my problem right there.
Happiness is far from in the hands of another human being. If you truly think this way, you're poisoning your own mind.
You cannot truly be happy in the company of someone else if you haven't learned how fulfilling, rewarding and empowering it is to discover happiness all on your own.
I learned this lesson by breaking up with my most recent boyfriend. I had never broken up with anyone before. For once, I wasn't the one being dumped.
At first, I was hesitant to let go of the relationship. I had become accustomed to the comfort I had with him, despite the fact I wasn't 100 percent happy when I was with him.
I stayed with him longer than I should have, but I finally built up the courage to walk away.
I experienced a wave of emotions when I started feeling as though I'd be better off on my own. I felt scared, angry, sad, confused… I had to give myself time to feel sad about it.
Once I healed from the sadness of wanting to let things go, I saw myself as something I had never seen myself before: desirable.
If there's one thing I know for sure, it's I am a damn good girlfriend. I am a beautiful, funny, kind girl who knows how to put others first in a relationship. And I'll be damned if somebody doesn't see this and acknowledge it.
He didn't, and it helped me see things crystal clear.
Why was I letting someone else dictate my happiness when he couldn't do so successfully? I ended it.
Instead of feeling the urge to win him back, make him feel guilty about losing me or subscribing to Tinder for the next best thing, I simply just let it be. I wanted time alone. And I had never given myself that time before.
I wanted to embrace the empowerment I felt in discovering my own self-worth. I felt good, happy, relieved, even, to be on my own.
Being happy alone is much better than feeling hollow with another person.
I took time to do things that made me happy and good about myself. I started to recognize my worth more and more every day, and it made me stronger.
Not only that, but it also made me open up my eyes to people who were actually worth my time and also saw my worth.
There are a lot of people out there who get so accustomed to the feeling of always having someone there for them.
It's about time we all get comfortable with the feeling of being there for ourselves before we let someone else in.