Chrissy Teigen Live-Tweeting "Naked Attraction" Will Make You Die Laughing
If there's anything I love most in this world, it's crappy reality TV, weird as f*ck competition shows, people named Chrissy Teigen, and the tweets of people named Chrissy Teigen. What do you get when you put all of those together, other than sending me into an early grave of eternal bliss and wonder? Well, you get Chrissy Teigen live-tweeting Naked Attraction. WTF is Naked Attraction? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I'm about to show you a whole new goddamn world, sans magic carpet ride.
Now, Naked Attraction is essentially a British dating show with a super high-stakes twist. The Channel 4 website describes the show as a "daring dating series that starts where some good dates might end — naked." I mean, what else can you expect from Britain? These are the same people who gave us everything from The Great British Baking Show to freaking Geordie Shore. You never know what you're gonna get.
Basically, the show goes about exactly as it sounds like it would. As far as I'm concerned, one person on the show, who starts out completely clothed (where's the fun in this unless EVERYONE is naked???) is presented with six potential suitors, all of whom are naked. But we don't see their naked bodies all at once. Their full bodies are periodically revealed, starting from their feet, until the non-naked person narrows it down to two people. Then, the clothed person gets naked, too, right before they choose the winner for a date.
Yeah. You're essentially picking your potential date by their genitals, which legit sounds like my worst f*cking nightmare. What if I'm having a bad vagina day? What if this person thinks my tits are weird? There's is so much margin for an ungodly amount of humiliation here — even more so than all of your middle school years combined. Anyway, if you're already confused AF about this show, you're absolutely not alone.
When Chrissy Teigen live-tweeted her first time watching the show on Sept. 10, she 100 percent expressed what we'd all be thinking in 140 characters or less.
Literally, same, Chrissy. If I turned on my TV to suddenly see a bunch of penises flopping around everywhere, I'd probably 1) scream and 2) assume I accidentally bought some adult pay-per-view and call my cable company to tell them I didn't mean to and to please make it stop.
I'm not 100 percent sure or anything, but I think this tweet right here might've been the beginning of an existential crisis for Chrissy. (@ Chrissy, can you confirm or deny this, please?)
Yep, this hit the nail on the head. This is what we are all thinking. Imagine your vagina being the first one voted off the island, and tell me you wouldn't feel more insecure than you have felt in your entire life.
SUBTLE ONE, JOSH.
Warning: You'd better have cat-like reflexes if you're gonna watch this show where anyone might even come close to catching you.
Needless to say, while most of us — Chrissy included — are all "WTF, WHY IS THIS A THING???" the people of the UK are all, "Yeah, hi, welcome to Britain, where this is very much a thing."
Don't worry. We're totally not judging. No judgment here. None at all. Zip. Zilch. (But seriously, no judgment, we have enough going on over here in America.)
If you're totally and completely horrified by the fact that Naked Attraction exists, this person apologized on behalf of all the UK for it, so we're all even.
Hopefully for all of our future joy and happiness, Chrissy Teigen will continue to find even more weird AF British television shows and live-tweet them, so we can all learn what other ~hidden gems~ Britain is hiding.
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