Yes, I am going to start this off with a Sex in the City reference. My apologies in advance. Remember when Berger left Carrie the post-it note that said "I'm sorry, I can't, don't hate me," instead of breaking up with her in person? That was some early 2000s-style ghosting. And it left me wondering, "Can your serious boyfriend ghost you?" And the answer is yes, they can. Anyone can. No one is safe. This is what we should all be worrying about! Ghosting!
Ghosting has existed since the dawn of time — pretty sure I once saw a cave drawing about it — but our media-driven generation finally named it something as spooky as it feels. And while it was initially reserved for people you went on one or two dates with, it has now spread its wrath to more serious, committed relationships, where, if your partner is "over it," they will just disappear without a trace instead of breaking up with you.
Are we so afraid of confrontation that we would rather fake our own deaths, disappear, and/or awkwardly avoid people for the rest of our lives just to get out of relationships? Apparently. For me, emotional vulnerability is tough. I was raised by a dial-up tone. I spent my formative years in AOL chatrooms, the entirety of my life behind a phone or a computer. What does face-to-face contact look like? Emotions? Does not compute.
When it comes to dating trends, I think we've put a label on an action instead of looking at the reasoning behind it. Why do we feel like it's OK to treat people as dispensable — especially if we were in a long-term relationship with them?
To me, ghosting feels like a generational inability to communicate and a fear of settling down. Newer technology has given us a "grass is always" greener mentality — or rather, the relationship would probably be more chill one swipe over there. Online dating has created a meat market of options. I am literally talking to five guys named Scott on Bumble right now. When one Scott gets boring, I just have another Scott to choose from. But for having so many connections, I feel startlingly disconnected — and that's what makes ghosting easy.
If you still don't believe that people are literally willing to ghost their long-term partners, let some stories from real people for Elite Daily's own column, Boom, Ghosted, convince you. They're pretty scary.
1. This Girl Was Ghosted By Her Boyfriend Of Three Years
Alex* was ditched by her boyfriend after dating for THREE YEARS. She and her BF met during college, and they had plans to move to Montana after they graduated. They even knew the exact house they were going to move to and had plans to grow a vegetable farm there. You know, they were just going to live my idyllic dream life. I'm swooning already.
But then, Alex got offered two different jobs: one in her home town, and one in Montana, where she and her BF were planning on moving. Problem was, the job in her hometown was better. She was conflicted, but her boyfriend encouraged her to take the better job, because he was considering staying for grad school anyway. What a gentleman, right?
But the first night after breaking in Alex's new apartment together, he ended up ghosting her. Not only that, but he moved into their dream home in Montana and started that vegetable farm — with another woman. Apparently, he had been planning it all along. Yikes.
2. This Girl Was Ghosted By A Guy She Moved to SLOVENIA For
In this account, a girl named Wendy* met the love of her life, who, soon after they met, had to move to Slovenia for work. Timing can sometimes be a real b*tch. They did long-distance for a while, but eventually, he asked her to move to Slovenia because he was lonely. And... she did. And apparently, things were actually going great for a while.
But eventually, they ended up moving back to the United States, where things started going not-so-great. Wendy ended up getting a ruptured cyst when they moved back, and after a five-day stay in the hospital (where her BF never visited), she found he had moved out of their shared apartment once she got back.
A month later, he came back apologizing, and Wendy took him back. (Get your act together, Wendy!!) Things were OK for a bit, until he ghosted her — AGAIN. This guy seems great, right?
3. This Girl Was Ghosted By Her BF Of Five Years... On Her Birthday
In this story, Raina* and her boyfriend were on vacation in Miami for her birthday. They had got in a little fight over getting ready and another over which bar to celebrate Raina's birthday at. But it was really nothing out of the ordinary for a couple traveling together.
However, their confrontation skills weren't the best, because instead of meeting up for dinner, Raina decided to stay in the room that night to prove a point after her BF had gone down to the wrong bar without her. Later, in the middle of the night, her boyfriend got his bags and left. She never heard from him again. Like ever.
Unfortunately, you can't control what anyone does or says. That's their karma. But you can control your reactions to other people's sh*tty behavior (like ghosting) and learn from your mistakes — like identifying red flags so you don't date people with the tendency to treat you badly again.
Someone who would ghost you is not deserving of your time anyway. So if you've been ghosted by a person you've been dating for a while, then don't sulk over them for too long. You probably would have ended up dumping them anyway, and they did the work for you. Stay single for a bit, and wait for the person who buys you flowers and showers you with love. What you feed grows. Let's concentrate on the good stuff.
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