There are about one million different dating fears out there.
There are people who are scared of getting cheated on. There are people who are scared of committing too soon. There are people who are scared of getting hurt.
What's mine? Dating someone just for the sake of dating. In other words, settling for someone who just isn't that great.
Just writing about it makes me feel physically ill. The thing is, I've done it before. It's usually because I was just bored.
But, I think there were times I even managed to convince myself I actually liked these boring dweebs.
That being said, I've done it enough times to know how to tell when it's happening. I know the signs.
I know how to tell the difference between that feeling of "Oh wow, I really like this guy," and the feeling of "Oh wow, I could potentially really like this guy."
And let me tell you, there's a difference between the two. A BIG difference.
You should never feel like you have to convince yourself to like somebody. That should be there from the get-go.
So, I don't waste my time with the "could potentially" guys anymore. And you shouldn't, either. You should break up if you're not totally feeling it.
Read these signs to make sure you're not settling for some dingus loser:
1. You feel literally nothing when he texts you.
This guy does literally nothing for you in the excitement department.
He's plain white toast. He's a blank sheet of paper. He's a door knob. He's your Aunt Sue texting you about family dinner next Tuesday.
You get the picture. While a text from a guy you actually liked would send your heart into overdrive and catapult your body into cartwheels across the living room, a text from this guy gets a shrug out of you at best.
2. Your go-to adjective for describing him is "nice."
It was my sophomore year of college, and I was just starting to see a new guy. Obviously, the first order of business was to call my best friend from home and tell her all about him.
She asked me what he was like, and I responded with, "Oh my gosh, Annie, he's so nice and so much fun."
Before I could finish, she stopped me with, "Ugh, stop wasting my time. You don't even like him."
I was confused and, frankly, infuriated. What was she talking about? Of course I liked him!
She went on to explain what she meant: "Every time you don't actually like someone, you describe them as 'fun' and 'nice' because you have nothing better to say about them. I bet he's boring, and you like him because he's hot, he's there and you're bored."
At the time, I was SO MAD at her. But turns out, she was right.
The guy was hot. And I mean, he was nice and fun to go out with. But, I was not into him.
3. The thought of spending the rest of your life with him vaguely repulses you.
I knew my best friend's boyfriend was the real deal about a year ago. We were hungover, eating bagels at the park and watching families play with their kids when she told me that the idea of doing all of this family stuff with him just seemed like "a blast."
The thought of them spending forever together seemed like a lifetime of laughs and good sex.
I remember thinking about the guy I was seeing at the time. He was great on paper, but really did nothing for me outside of that.
I started thinking of what the rest of my life would be like if we spent it together, and I literally felt the urge to vomit growing inside of me. I ended things with him shortly after.
But, the thought of the two of you living happily ever after shouldn't terrify you, either. Especially once you're actually dating.
4. You bail on him any chance you get.
Simply put, he's not a priority. In fact, you won't even commit to a plan with him until the day of.
Even then, you'll probably end up bailing as soon as something better comes along. And that something better might be hanging out in your room by yourself, watching old episodes of "Seinfeld" while you FaceTime your grandma.
The only thing motivating you to actually hang out with him the few times you do is boredom. That and maybe the guilt of bailing on such a "nice" guy so many times.
But then again, you don't really care about him enough as a human being to REALLY care about his feelings.
5. You constantly compare him to your ex.
The right guy should make you forget about your ex completely, not make you think of him more than you ever before.
But when you're dating just to date, suddenly everything this new guy does is seen in comparison to what your ex didn't do. Then, of course, there's that secret, deep down inside of you part that is thinking about all of the ways this guy could never hold a candle to your ex.
My theory is, this is all part of convincing yourself that you actually like him. If he's better than your ex, he's gotta be good, right?
Wrong. Your ex should just not even be part of this equation. Like, at all.
6. He's more into the idea of you than the real you.
And you can't even really blame him.
For starters, he doesn't even know the real you. You can't be yourself around him. You guys just can't seem to make it past the whole cute flirting stage into any sort of real conversation.
While you would describe him as "nice," he would probably describe you as "cute" or "sexy."
He only sees the best version of you because, well, you don't actually like him. You're always on your best behavior because it's easy to be.
It's one of those unfortunate twists of life, isn't it? That the only people who make your crazy come out are the people you actually like.
But then again, does someone actually know the real you until they've seen your crazy?
There's also the fact you're more into the idea of him than the real him, as well. Can't really get mad at him for doing the same.
7. You take solace in the fact he likes you more than you like him.
He likes you more, and that is the fundamental base of your entire relationship.
You love that he's obsessed with you. You love the constant attention. You love that the thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, even if you secretly know you're not.
Sure, you honestly just think he's pretty average and, frankly, boring. But, his unwavering obsession with you is flattering.
You love the control and the comfort that comes along with the fact that he would never leave or hurt you (because he can't hurt you, since you DON'T LIKE HIM).
8. You feel literally no impulse to play any sort of game.
Games are bad. Trust me, I've played my fair share of them.
They're stupid, and they don't get you anywhere. But, we have to look at why we play them.
We play them to make ourselves look better, to make sure we get the guy. And we do this because WE LIKE HIM.
I really try not to play them anymore, especially when I actually like someone. But, I'm not gonna lie, when I really do like the person, it's hard to bring myself to text first or shoot the first friend request or any of that stupid stuff.
There's that part of me that still wants to play because I have some sort of vested interest.
But if I don't like someone... WHO CARES? I'll do whatever. Friend request the day we meet, text you one million times in a row, fart... you get it.
9. You're bored.
That's what this all comes down to, honestly. You're bored.
You're bored, you have nothing better to do and you have no better options for people to date.