Let's be honest here for a moment and discuss something that happens when you're single for a long period of time: It fucks with your head.
What I'm talking about is deeper than the eye rolls we all share immediately following the never-ending tirade of, “Are you seeing anyone special?”; “Your time will come when you least expect it”; “Have you tried Match.com?” from random friends, family, co-workers or people you don't even know.
I want to plunge into the emotions of a very single girl and discuss exactly why (aside from being extremely annoying in social encounters), it messes with your brain.
When you're single for a while, you begin to lose faith that you'll ever find someone you will a.) actually want to spend time with and b.) who will subsequently want to spend time with you.
It takes two to tango, we all know that. So the thing that gets to us girls most is not part A, it's part B.
The guys we tend to like are not the ones who like us back; they aren't the ones setting up the dates; they are the ones blowing us off and acting shady on their phones. So we set ourselves up for rejection, time and time again.
This rejection seriously wears on us after a while and turns us into these insecure little beings who think NO ONE will like us ever again.
We expect this rejection from basically any guy we meet. If I had a nickel for every time I heard a girlfriend of mine say the words, “Well… he would never like me back.” or “He can have any girl, so I doubt he's into me.”, I would be an extremely rich woman.
Years back, I met a great guy. At the time, I thought he had everything and I was beyond smitten with him.
As luck would have it, he was equally crazy about me. I hadn't realized that my years upon years of being single and feeling that sting of rejection had turned me into a bit of an insecure person, even in this new and great relationship.
It was preventing me from enjoying anything at all because I was too busy worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Clearly, he was going to move on or something bad was going to happen soon, right? Love and relationships just don't come that easily… or at least in my experience they never had.
I became extremely bothered by my inability to enjoy this budding relationship because of past rejections and insecurities getting in my way, so I sought counsel from an older, married friend and mentor.
I discussed with her the age-old question we ALL repeat in our heads, which is: “This guy is SO great, why would he ever pick me?”
Depressing, yes, but also true. I hate that as females we all think so little of ourselves, but it happens. This friend of mine gave me the exact words I needed to hear: “If this guy is so great, why wouldn't he pick you?”
Talk about a pleasant shift in mindset! I was so busy focusing on how great this guy was, I chose to completely neglect everything I brought to the table in a relationship.
It's easy to do, but it's really only harming your prospects of being a stable and strong person in a new relationship.
So, ladies, whether you are single AF and losing hope or starting off a new relationship just waiting for it to go wrong, remember the wise words of my dear friend:
“Why wouldn't he pick you?”
Be confident and remember your worth, you deserve happiness and love just like the rest of us. So why not you?