You guys, I have the plot twist of the century. I'm about to truth bomb on you so hard, you won't even see it coming.
Buckle up. Are you ready?
It turns out, human beings are pretty bad at picking romantic partners.
Why are we so bad at this? Well, because the idea of following our gut or our own instincts to find love is a recipe for disaster. I mean, roughly 99.9 percent of us are just wandering the earth, finding what food items most resemble pizza and trying to see if we can touch our tongues to our elbows.
You see, back in the day, long-term relationships had a more cut-and-dried system. More often than not, people had arranged marriages, making for efficient — though not necessarily fulfilling — romantic partnerships.
Then came the ideology of romanticism, through which humans are meant to trust their feelings about someone. According to The School of Life, the idea of romanticism suggests "love is a mutual ecstasy at finding a beautiful person, inside and out, who has a rare capacity to make us happy."
However, The School Of Life even stated in the video, "Instinct has been little better than calculation in underwriting the quality of our love stories."
Here's the drama: IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE. The video explains that as human beings, we're confusing what feels good, safe and supportive for what feels most familiar to us.
While we might logically understand that we deserve someone who is "good to us" and who makes us "happy," we are, instead, initially attracted to people who treat us in ways we are used to being treated. (BASICALLY, IT'S ALL OUR PARENTS' FAULT.)
The types of love and compassion (or lack thereof) we experienced in our youth will often drive our mating decisions as adults. This places us in half-baked relationships that are missing key ingredients, like general support and loyalty, assuming we were missing those things in childhood relationships.
We're confusing what feels good, safe and supportive for what feels most familiar to us.
This would also explain why you see certain patterns or behaviors pop up throughout our individual dating lives. It's because we are consistently drawn to what we already know, rather than what is actually good for us.
Perhaps you always find yourself in a caregiver role, or you notice you are always the submissive partner in your relationships. Likely, these are roles or positions you adhered to as a child within your family, causing it to bleed into your adult romantic life.
The video explains,
[We] find ourselves rejecting certain candidates, not because they're wrong for us, but because they are a little too right. In our hearts, such rightness feels foreign and unearned.
Ultimately, the best thing we can do is take note of these patterns and assess what it is exactly that draws us to people.
Next time you find yourself attracted to the rebel looking angsty and moody at the bar, ask yourself if those traits translate into an empathetic, loving partner. If the answer is no, keep moving, sister.
And good luck, because God knows I have no idea what I'm doing.