I Was Already Getting Over You After The First Time We Broke Up…

by Lindsey Lazarte

People often say the time it takes to get over someone is half of the time of the actual relationship. Well, what if you’ve broken up so many times you can’t even calculate how long the relationship collectively lasted?

How many breakups does it take until you realize the person with whom you’re getting back together isn’t the one for you?

For me, I’m currently at four.

Four times in one whole year, I’ve broken up and gotten back together with my boyfriend. Four times I went back, just to arrive at the same conclusion, which I already knew after the first time we broke up.

When a friend turns to us for relationship advice, we try to do our best to have a completely objective point of view, but let’s face it: We’re not objective. Not at all.

We often ask them, “Why are you with this guy or girl if he or she is making you so unhappy?”

We don’t like to see our friends or loved ones hurting or in pain, so we want to steer them away from the thing or person(s) putting them through such a whirlwind of emotions because honestly, we’re tired of hearing about it.

But, what if you’re on the other end of the stick? What if you’re the one turning to your friends for relationship advice? You will fight them until you are blue in the face.

You don’t want to accept that your so-called “friend” is advising you to break up with someone whom you love so much. But, in the end, you’ll make your own decision, anyway, so why even ask?

I’ve turned to my friends and loved ones countless times for relationship advice. And, for this particular relationship, they’re so confused, they’ve stopped giving me advice altogether.

The truth is, I already know the answer. I was already getting over him after the first time we broke up. So, why did I go back?

There is no logical explanation for how we love someone or why we put ourselves through so much pain just for him or her. We just do it. It’s unconditional love.

They say you hurt the person you love the most because you know he or she will always be there for you. Well, that’s kind of a twisted theory, don’t you think?

Why can’t we just be friendly and loving? We’re humans. That’s why. And, we can be very dumb.

After the number of times my boyfriend and I have broken up, I’ve become somewhat of an expert on the healing process.

Every breakup, although still sad, gets a little easier than the last one. Maybe it’s because I’m expecting it, or maybe it's because I know we’ll eventually get back together.

But, what if we don’t get back together? What if the next breakup is the last one?

To be completely honest with you, boyfriend, and myself, I think I’ll be okay. I’m not saying this because I don’t love you. I’m saying this because I keep wondering how many times it will take until you figure out you either want to be with me or you don’t.

I know what it is like to be with you. I know what it is like to be without you.

After the first, second, third and fourth times, we have found our ways back to each other. But, I can’t keep breaking up and starting again.

Haven’t you ever heard of the story about the boy who cried wolf?

I’m prepared to experience yet another breakup if it should happen. But, that’s not what I want. I would rather us be sure about either staying together or not.

Like I said, I was already getting over you after the first time we broke up.