After a weekend spent with a significant other, friend with benefits, friend with newly discovered benefits, entirely brand new friend, caught off guard celebrity, stranger posing as a celebrity, standard stranger or any kind of human in general, our friends often have the same question: Was it good?
Over and over, after every sexual encounter, we get asked this question. But, what is good? What defines good sex?
Is there only one kind of good sex to have? Absolutely not.
Good sex can mean so many different things. In fact, it can mean something different for each person experiencing it. T
here is no set number of different kinds of good sex, but there are a handful a lot of us are probably pretty familiar with.
Here are just a few kinds of good sex we might experience when we hop into bed/car/designated sex couch with someone:
When it's physically good
You’re not necessarily emotionally connected to this person. You’ve talked and you’ve spent time together, but you’re not really feeling it on that deeper level.
It could be someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve known for a while. The sex is amazing; he's getting you going in all the right ways. Physically, you guys have it going on.
After it’s done though, and you’re talking, there’s no connection. He's quoting poetry and it should be so romantic, but he's not making eye contact.
Later he sends you dick pics instead of paragraphs about his dreams.
It’s okay to have sex without that emotional piece; sometimes we just want to get off. It’s still good sex, because physically, it rocked your world.
Emotionally, though? The morning sex was great, but he wouldn’t kiss you goodbye.
When it's emotionally good
Sometimes, it’s exactly the opposite of the physically good kind of sex. It’s still good; you felt fulfilled and had a good time. Physically though, maybe it wasn’t the best you’ve ever had.
You might not have orgasmed, and it may have left you feeling a little underwhelmed.
You were kind of awkward, still figuring out how each other’s bodies worked. Emotionally though, it was the most incredible thing.
It could still be with someone you’ve just met or someone you’ve known for a while.
You could have dozens of conversations with someone and still not really feel connected, and then you could have one intense conversation and feel like you’ve known someone for centuries.
When the sex is emotionally good, there’s a lot more touching. You aren’t just bodies interacting, working to please each other.
Fingers stroke slowly down thighs in the light of an alleyway to say, "I want to get to know you." They touch your spine and you actually feel like you’re floating.
You talk until you realize — sh*t -- maybe you should check a clock or something?
When it's emotionally good, you feel it, long after the touching has stopped.
When it's both
It’s the best you’ve ever had and the most intensely connected you’ve ever felt, or just somewhere in between on both sides.
Either way, it’s good physically and it’s good emotionally. It’s just really f*cking good.
In this case, a hearty congrats on the sex. You deserve this.
When it's so bad it's fantastic
Maybe you were in an awkward mood. Maybe you had just gone swimming and everything was sticky and not working properly.
Maybe you guys were just in a really silly mood, and couldn’t concrete on being sexy, sultry or what have you.
Either way, it’s not intense, passionate sex.
It might not even be sex for very long. It started off as sex, but things weren’t fitting together the right way, or neither of you could focus to the point of being turned on enough.
It probably ends with a lot of laugher, tickling, shrieking, groaning and other noises that maybe shouldn’t be involved in sex, but sometimes they totally are and that’s totally fine.
Someone probably tells a joke. Maybe a pillow fight ensues. It ends with you entangled, breathing heavy and smiling.
I guess maybe the whole ordeal could be considered “bad,” but is it really? No. It’s actually wonderful because it was weird and goofy, but it made you smile and it brought you closer.
That’s exactly what good sex does.
When other people might find it bad
Believe it or not, there are some types of sex you consider good that other people might consider bad. Gasp! Shocking, but it is indeed a thing.
People can be needlessly judgmental, especially about sex.
You might be in an open relationship and having lots of good sex with lots of great people.
You might have a threesome, a foursome or a fivesome (which sounds complicated, but hey, do what you feel), and consider that super great.
Your good sex might not be everyone else’s good sex, but let me be clear: that does not make it bad.
As long as it’s safe, consensual and enjoyable for both parties, if you consider it good, then that’s what it is.
After all, it’s your sex, not everybody else’s. Other people are just jealous because, well, you’re having good sex, and good sex is kick ass.
When it's not technically sex
It can be good sex without technically being sex. It can be the best you’ve ever had without technically being sex, too.
There are lots of acts that, in my opinion, fall into the realm of sex. You had the best orgasm you’ve ever had and there wasn’t actually any genital-to-genital contact? I’d still say that counts as sex.
When you're embarrassed in a good way
Good sex can be totally embarrassing. What I mean is, sometimes it’s so good, you’re so turned on and you’re losing so much control, you get a little blushed.
Maybe you totally weren’t expecting the sex to be so good, or maybe when you got your clothes off you realized how great this person actually was, and got kind of shy.
He says you’re sexy, and you can’t help but giggle. You feel like a teenager, except not, because you’re having sex that’s actually good.
Sometimes when it's really good, it can actually be majestic.