7 Reasons It's Impossible To Find A Serious Relationship In College
College is a unique community comprised of young adults who are trying to shrug off the impending responsibilities that loom in the grey area of adulthood, such as serious relationships.
We were told in high school that college is the place to find the love of your life or, at least, people who are ready to get serious. This was obviously a big, fat lie.
In all honesty, I don't think anything about college is that different than high school, except for the frat houses and parental punishments.
In college, "a serious relationship" has a negative stigma, as if it's something you want to avoid like the plague.
Apparently "catching feelings" is equivalent to the flu, and everyone participates in the act of relationship-shaming.
Those who are infected by a case of emotions are perceived as weak by those who are supposed to be their friends.
The fear of relationships, flings, things and long-standing hookups are all rooted in the college-evil of peer judgment.
This judgment stems from a science of expectations and assumptions about the opposite sex.
Here are common assumptions and expectations that ruin would-be relationships before they even start:
Men assume women want serious relationships right off the bat.
Yes, many women like stability, but most of the time, they aren't asking for you to move in or buy a ring by spring.
Guys, you aren’t the only ones who want to take things slowly — women do, too. Sometimes they just want reassurance that the relationship is heading somewhere.
After all, why would they waste their time fooling around with someone who has no future intentions when there could be someone who has like-minded goals out there waiting for them?
Women assume men will always be unfaithful.
You're sitting on the couch together and she leans into your shoulder as you're typing on the phone. You hear the inevitable, "who are you texting?" and, all too soon, you reply with the safe, "my sister," an auto-response you're conditioned to say.
She'll continue to stare down at the phone you're trying to shield from her eye. When she finally realizes you don't have a sister, the argument will begin.
Yes, sometimes you may have a sister, friend, brother, mother, cousin or someone else who you are texting; however, it isn't unusual for young adults to test the boundaries of other relationships while they're already in one.
Fidelity is a crucial aspect of relationships that comes with maturity and honesty. Between social media, cellphones and the Internet, cheating has become easier, but getting caught has as well.
In college, the social atmosphere consumes young adults to the point that they let it blind their gut feelings. Suspicions surface from something as simple as a text message and can lead to the demise of a relationship.
Fidelity is hard to maintain with hobbies like bar-hopping and house parties. The best way to secure a relationship is to steer clear of these activities, and for some, letting go of these alcohol-induced activities may not happen until after graduation. If ever.
Men expect women to be crazy.
Nothing sends a man running quite like a crazy woman does. Yes, sometimes women read too much into social cues, paragraph-length text messages, picture likes and yes, jealousy is the strong suit of many of them. However, sometimes the crazy train isn't entirely our fault.
What men don't realize is that not all women are crazy. In fact, sometimes men bring the craziness upon themselves.
For example, men, you cannot expect a woman to be happy with you when you are flirting with other women in front of her. It's disrespectful and downright rude.
If you tell your lady she cannot hang out with other men or text other men, then you should be a man and not have wandering eyes either.
You cannot expect loyalty if you cannot commit to the practice yourself.
College is the time to explore multiple avenues of interest. Every bar is a buffet of beautiful women and attractive men, so why not sample a little? This is the time when you can justify doing so, as long as you do so honestly and correctly.
Women expect men to meet nearly impossible requirements.
Ladies, they aren't mind-readers. Most of the time, they don't even think with their minds, if you get what I am saying.
You can't expect them to remember your favorite flavor of ice cream that you mentioned one time in a conversation six months ago; things just don't work like that.
As much as a Nicholas-Sparks-style romance appeals to a woman's heart, there's a reason they are romance novels and not biographies.
Relationships are a lot of work, are filled with compromise, arguments, good days and bad days.
Guys are only human, so take mercy on them when they don't stand in the rain shouting their love for you or write you a letter every single day.
Men assume women will gossip about what happens behind closed doors.
A huge factor for men is full disclosure. Yes, he understands that there will be some details that you'll tell your best friend, but when he hears that you've been talking excessively about your one night together, it will terrify him.
There is no reason for talking something up to be much bigger than it really was. Five minutes of drunk mediocre sex doesn't mean that you're "talking" or headed toward a long-term relationship.
Word of mouth is powerful; however, there are no benefits of campus gossip about your "heated night of passion.” We all know it was just sloppy, whiskey-induced sex.
Women assume all men want is sex.
The majority of the time, men seem to think with their "alternate brain" during their early 20s. But, to give guys some credit, most do believe there is more to life than getting laid.
Men in college typically have aspirations beyond the frat house. Whether it is entrepreneurship, graduate school or enlisting in the Army, there is usually a plan.
But, women, if you are trolling the bar for a "real guy," you likely won't have any luck.
Alcohol-infused interactions either lead to new drinking buddies, a public and clumsy make-out session in the bathroom or the bedroom.
One mistake many women make in college is quickly jumping into bed with a guy and then getting hurt when he doesn't want anything more.
If you were willing to spread your legs on your first meet and greet, what else would you have to offer him?
You cannot make a man love you by sleeping with him. End of story.
Both men and women assume they are playing a game.
There are no clear winners in this game, but there are rules and players. Picture likes, subtweets and stolen glances all beg the questions: "Is he into me?" "Does she want to sleep with me?" "Should I text him?" "Should I ask her out?"
But, of course, neither party will ever admit to having feelings for one another because no one wants to be labelled inferior by his or her friends.
Relationships shouldn't have to be hard. In fact, a stable cuddle buddy who is willing to sleep with you on a daily basis and eat food with you is a pretty good deal.
All of this negative press about relationships is contributing to the lack of success in maintaining them after college. In fact, when you graduate, it's a breath of fresh air to find honesty in a grown-up relationship.
But, until then, play on players.