We do a lot of painful sh*t to get laid, amirite?! In the name of getting that sweet D, we do stuff that makes us uncomfortable and unhappy. We get f*cking Brazilian waxes, shave our legs (and then cut our legs), wear sexy corsets we cannot breathe in, just to name a few.
All in a day's work, or whatever.
BUT LAAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaAdies, guess what? Not everything about wrangling the peen needs to be that complicated or exhausting. What if I told you getting more ass was as easy as eating?
Sup, fellow foodies. Today we're going to learn about something very f*cking important: Food that will make your sex better. If you're looking for an aphrodisiac, I've created a handy list for you. Because when it comes to sex, we should all do anything and everything to maximize getting laid with the least amount of effort involved.
If my regular need to snack can help me get more dick, that's fine by me. If getting that D is as easy as buying a bar of chocolate from CVS, so be it. I will eat that motherf*cking chocolate with pride.
Elite Daily enlisted the help of Ricki Friedman, founder of Break The Weight and a well-known fitness and health expert, to figure out exactly what you should be eating to up the ante in the bedroom.
Eating rocks and having sex rocks, so let's put the two things together and everyone can finally be happy. Here are six more excuses to get more ass.
Listen up, basics of the world. Those avocados you spread on your whole-wheat-but-somehow-also-gluten-free toast are not only f*cking delicious, but they are also good for your sex life.
BUT AUNTIE GIGI! IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
No, it isn't, my basic friends. Friedman tells us that the unsaturated fats in our delicious avs totally help to get the blood flowing in the right places. All of those healthy fats are not only tasty; they're good for your social life, too. Who would have thought?
So the next time bae teases you for eating an avocado at every meal, you can tell him it's the reason he's getting the poon, so he should STFU.
2. Dark chocolate
As if you needed a reason to eat more dark chocolate, it's an aphrodisiac. Is there anything better than biting into a piece of chocolate and letting that sh*t melt over your tongue? I mean, besides orgasms, of course.
BUT WAIT. Did you know that eating more dark chocolate can actually lead to more ORGASMS. Dark chocolate has been proven to increase blood flow to the brain and heart. You know, to get your juices flowing.
While Friedman does not condone going out and eating an entire brick of chocolate (but I won't judge you), she says it contains a compound called phenylethylamine, which "releases feelings and mood boosters that feel similar to falling in love."
Dark chocolate is essentially the best thing since wine.
If I could have strawberries all day, every day, I probably would. They're so f*cking juicy. Mama like her some juiciness, ya feel?
According to Friedman, these little red monsters are full of zinc, and zinc is essential to a healthy sex life for both men and women. And get this shiz: strawberries can increase testosterone in men as well as help them to produce more sperm. Ugh. YAS QUEEN.
This list is really just starting to sound like a collection of really delicious foods. It's early morning right now, and I am HUNGRY AF. Thanks a lot, Ricki.
Anyway, watermelon helps with a lot of sh*t. It's good for your skin because it's full of water. AND IT'S SO F*CKING JUICY AND PINK! (Cue the vagina joke I promised myself I wouldn't make after saying that).
It's literally so hydrating, and we should all eat it always, OK? On top of that, it boosts libido and improves erections. Want more of the sweet D from your boo? Feed him some goddamn watermelon.
Get this: Almonds are not only full of scrumptious protein, but they also contain antioxidants that improve circulation in your bodacious bod.
Additionally, Friedman says that "they improve overall circulation and relax the blood vessels." They literally calm you the f*ck down. I didn't know this was a thing, but I'm 100 percent down for it. We all know if you're less stressed and chilled the f*ck out you're gonna be getting more D.
Oysters are f*cking delicious, and there is some scientific backing to why dudes are always buying them when they take us out to fancy-ass dinners. It's to get you in the mood for sex, yo. Friedman tells us that these powerful gifts from the sea actually increase testosterone production in men as well as increase progesterone in women. They're an aphrodisiac.
So if both you and bae are sucking down these puppies, you're definitely going to want to get down and dirty later. GET IT.