Pillow talk is one of the most intimate things you can do in a relationship. In fact, I would say it's one of the most important elements, as it serves as the sort of behind-the scenes action that truly helps build a connection with your partner. It's the time you have together that no one else sees, when vulnerability is at its peak, when you unravel the day's accumulated stressors. To say the least, learning how to pillow talk can definitely bring you and your SO closer together.
Pillow talk is when you can lay in bed beside the love of your life and fully cherish their presence while relishing in the thoughts, wisdom, feelings, intellect, and emotions that each of you are bursting to share. When I think of pillow talk, I think of a refreshed and mutual sigh of relief between two partners with thriving, passionate love, and thorough, mature communication.
If you are blessed enough to coordinate schedules with your beau so that you're both in bed at the same time, then use this time for pillow talk wisely, before you get too exhausted. In fact, research from 2015 shows that three quarters of couples go to bed at different times due to heavy workloads, hectic social lives, and, of course, distractions from technology. So, while these moments in bed with your partner may seem minuscule on the surface, they can actually be vital to both the longevity and happiness of your relationship.
Here are five ways pillow talk can bring you and your significant other closer together and deepen your connection.
1. You'll Learn More About Each Other
Elite Daily spoke with couples counselor Erin Wiley, who suggests engaging in "at least 10 to 20 minutes of discussion about each other and each others' lives -- not tedious logistics like what's for dinner and who's picking up the dry cleaning."
Pillow talk focused on better understanding the private life of one's partner -- their hopes, dreams, fears, struggles, and triumphs -- is time well spent in conversation. One of the deepest desires we have as humans is connection, and feeling as if someone is truly invested in our world and really knows and understands us.
2. You'll Steer Clear Of Tension
Wiley also suggests to avoid bringing up anything that is laced with underlying negative connotations. Pillow talk should be reserved for sweet topics of conversation only.
She tells Elite Daily,
Topics that will provoke arguments should probably be avoided while in bed. Ideally, our beds are a safe, happy place for connection and rejuvenation. Hot topics like money problems, parenting disagreements, and conflict with in-laws are best avoided in bed and are better managed when not preparing for rest and intimacy.
3. You'll Have Super Intimate Sex
According to Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor and creator of The Popular Man, sex makes everything better. But we kind of already knew that, right?
Well, if you didn't, here's what Bennett has to tell Elite Daily about the benefits of sex before bed:
Sexual activity causes the brain to release bonding chemicals such as oxytocin. However, during sex, most of that initial bonding is non-verbal and comes through touch and eye contact. Pillow talk is a way to verbally process your feelings and vocalize your greater bond.
4. You'll Foster Honesty In Your Relationship
Being honest with your SO ultimately means being communicative with your partner. Remember that honesty doesn't have to be rude -- rather, it can be quite tender.
Bennett tells Elite Daily,
[Pillow talk is] a rare time of shared, intense emotions, so ideally, both partners can be mutually authentic and vulnerable.
However, Bennett also recommends that this is where sex can come into play. As he puts it, "sex and pillow talk should be fun. You don't have to be totally serious. It adds a nice balance to throw in playful flirting, too."
5. You'll Actually Hear Each Other
Listening to your partner can make them feel important, heard, and safe to stand at the podium of vulnerability. One of the fastest ways to increase a connection with someone is to make them feel like what they have to say matters.
Always make your partner knows their feelings and thoughts are never burdensome to you. Communicate to them that you are happy to hear them out because you know it will only strengthen the connection between the two of you. Always allow the dialogue to be open and vulnerable when it comes to pillow talk.
Sweet dreams, lovebirds!