5 Fights You Pick With Your SO When You're Falling Out Of Love
I remember the first time I found myself falling out of love.
I didn't realize my feelings were changing at the time, but I found myself acting really bizarre and doing strange things that were really out of character.
I'm a generally sweet, submissive (shh, don't tell) girl creature. I'm gentle and patient by nature. However, when I was falling out of love, I found myself constantly having these massive sweeps of irrational irritability.
I was so anxious and nasty, it was like I was coming off drugs (and if love is a drug, I guess I was).
"Ugh, the way the bathroom fills up with steam after she showers so I can't even see in the fucking mirror DRIVES ME CRAZY!" I vented to my good friend Melissa*.
"What do you mean? Everyone steams up the mirror after they shower, Zara! She can't help it." Melissa said evenly. I let her words sit in the air for a moment.
Shit, Melissa was totally right. Who was I to get angry about something that my girlfriend couldn't even help? It was science: Hot showers WILL CREATE STEAM and STEAM will blur out a mirror.
Several hours later, I was stuck on the subway (and anyone who knows me knows that I hate the subway. But for some energetic reason, I had taken a risk and decided to face the train that day).
Naturally, it got stuck between Bedford Ave and 1st Ave. When I started to panic, I had an epiphany: I realized that I had been acting like a horrendous, irritable bitch because I was falling out of love and I didn't know how to deal with orchestrating the breakup.
I was picking fights left and right, secretly hoping that my girlfriend would lose her shit and DUMP ME (honestly, I would rather be dumped than dump someone any day of the week).
All of my fights were direct projections of my own feelings: If I felt guilty for checking out another girl, I would turn around and accuse my girlfriend of flirting so I didn't have to confront my own shit. Ugh.
It's sick, twisted and unfair to pick fights when you're falling out of love with your partner. But alas, babes, we're all reckless humans here, and we all do horrendous things when our feelings are changing.
Love is such a powerful force, it swoops in and pulls out the best and worst traits buried deep inside of you. There's no hiding from the dark parts.
However, the first step in breaking the cycle of acting like a demonic bitch when you're falling out of love is ~awareness~.
So, if you're engaging in any of the following 6 fights, it's probably time to bite the bullet and break up, kitten, before you wake up one morning and realize you've actually turned into a monstrous villain.
It's hard to come back from a monstrous villain reputation, so break this cycle before it BREAKS YOU, girl.
1. The "You breath too loud!" fight.
You know your love for your SO has vanished when just the mere sound of their breath begins to annoy the shit out of you.
"I can't SLEEP in here!" You'll shout, flinging the pillows across the room like a maniac who has just escaped a mental hospital.
"Why!?" Your befuddled partner will yell back, suspecting that there's a rat or something hatching eggs beneath the bed.
"BECAUSE YOU BREATH TOO FUCKING LOUD!" You'll shout.
As the words fly out of your sinful lips, a dark feeling will wash over you — a feeling that is one part dread, two parts guilt and another part fear.
You're falling out of love, girl. And it's as terrifying as it is ~freeing~.
2. The "You were checking her out!" fight.
I see you over there, babes, and I know what the fuck you're doing. You're projecting your lackluster feelings onto your partner and picking really irrational fights.
"You're totally checking that girl out!" You will say wickedly, pure anger oozing out of your eyeballs.
"I WAS NOT!" Your partner will say, crossing her arms in utter disbelief.
But the truth is, it was sinful little you who was checking out the hot girl making your morning coffees at Starbucks. This is a way of throwing your own guilty shit onto your innocent, soon-to-be-ex as a means to AVOID dealing with your complicated, loveless feelings.
3. The "You don't let me be independent!" fight.
"We had a date planned tonight. You know it's kind of screwed up that you would cancel it last minute to go out with your friends," Your partner says.
"I know, but it's girls' night and I always miss it to be WITH YOU," you wickedly hiss as you toss your hair up into a sexy, "effortless" messy bun.
"I know, but we HAD PLANS," your partner says, rightfully angry.
"You don't let me be independent! You NEVER let me hang out with my friends!" You scream, acting like a repressed, Connecticut housewife living on the tight leash of a controlling man.
In reality, yes, you had plans with bae, but you cancelled them because something "better" came up.
The moment a date with your lover is no longer fun is the moment you fall out of love. You can't deal with this truth, so you make it all your partner's fault. If you can convince yourself she's "repressing" you, well than you, babe, have an easy out, don't you?
4. The "You don't love me anymore!" fight.
"I don't think you love me anymore," you will solemnly say out of nowhere during a long car ride.
You will dramatically stare out the window and look at the trees lining the highway. You're feeling nothing at all and trying to feel something, desperately. This is the sick way you're going about breaking free of your numbness.
5. The drunken, "Let's just end this now!" fight.
Hell hath no fury like a girl falling out of love and drunk off the ole' booze. It's very different than being "drunk in love."
All of the loveless feelings you've been repressing will inevitably boil over when you're wasted, and you'll end up screaming in the streets and ending it once and for all.
That's a shitty way to end a relationship. No matter how out of love you are, you were once in love with this living, breathing human. It's disrespectful to the memory of this person to end your courtship when shit-faced at a club.
Before you do this, sober the hell up and end it the grown-up way: After some amazing pre-breakup sex.
Okay fine, that's cruel too (though the orgasm can be pretty amazing). Just woman up and rip the Band-Aid off. I believe in you.
In the end, it's better to end a relationship with someone so they can move on and live their best lives than it is to string them along because you're so afraid of confrontation.