Why Dominant Women In The Streets Are Often Submissive In The Sheets

by Zara Barrie
Liubov Burakova

We are the modern women of the millennium. We are unapologetically ambitious, fearlessly driven, creatively thinking, vehemently hard-working and awesomely outspoken women who fervently refuse to f*cking settle for anything less than we so deserve.

We are budding entrepreneurs, CEOs, groundbreaking artists and heatedly self-sufficient females who are entirely unafraid to take possession of our personal power.

We are a far cry from the dated 1950s image of the fearful damsel-in-distress, the ever-so-tiny pipsqueak of a girl who couldn't survive the brutalities of the cruel, cold world without you and your mega wallet holding her up.

We rise on our own.

We are females who simultaneously own our strength and our vulnerability, our sensuality and our sexuality, our ferocity and our flaws.

One of the most powerful acts of radicalness a woman can engage in is to feel confident in her sexual desires, regardless of how “weird” or “wrong” those fantasies are deemed by society.

I find it so incredibly disheartening that as evolved as we are, as far as we've supposedly progressed on the complex spectrum of feminism, there is still an ever-existing, murky ring of shame encircling the subject of SEX.

Especially when it comes to the dominating girl who is seduced by the idea of someone dominating her.

I'm not talking about the meek girl intern who found herself caught up in the throes of a toxic power dynamic, as demonstrated for us in the questionable Hollywood blockbuster "Fifty Shades of Grey."

I'm talking about a very different woman, the badass POWER BABE who also happens to feel irrepressibly HOT by the idea of her partner taking power when it comes to matters of the bedroom.

So many of the most outstanding women, women who have the strength of a stone pillar — the women who are in complete and utter control of every aspect of their ever-so-busy lives — also happen to be wildly, vivaciously turned the f*ck on by the idea of being taken control of in the bedroom (or anywhere on the laundry list of creative locations we like to engage in mind-blowing sex in).


Grant me a brief opportunity to disclaim: The specific bedroom domination in which we're examining today can only exist between two consenting adults exploring within the realm of their comfort zone.

This is not validation for those who like to hurt others or take advantage of a vulnerable person in the name of “sexual revolution” — I hate that sh*t and don't condone it.

This is for the women who have been made to feel ashamed for simply wanting to be wanted. Women who find erotic satisfaction in being taken control of during sex.

Those of us femme-fatales whose very existence is defined by our unyielding ability to dominate in the streets – yet we are unexpectedly turned on by being submissive in the sheets.

It's time to come out of the submissive closet and free ourselves from the shackles of shame.

Because it feels good to be wanted and desired

We aren't the women who merely get by in the world using our beauty as a method for achievement; on the contrary, we are women who get by with our brains.

We are whip-smart creatures who expel endless brainpower into everything we do.

We spend our days in a hyper-focused state, penetrating our impressive energy into our work. At the end of the day, we are completely, intellectually drained.

We want to be desired for our bodies, and that's OK. We don't want to THINK, we want to feel and get lost in our sexuality.

We are insatiable creatures who want you to be overcome with fiery passion and pent up desire for us.

Just because we're smart as all hell and often thought of as intimidating doesn't mean we're not teeming with sexual hunger from every pore – begging with every fiber of our being for you to take over.

Because we have partners we deeply trust

It's impossible to have heart-soaring, body-trembling, mentally-groundbreaking sex with another person without the rock solid foundation of complete and total trust.

The women who are truly embracing their sexual freedom and experimenting outside the lines of society's comfort zone, in a safe and empowered fashion, are in healthy sexual relationships.

We can't play unless we're in a safe environment; we can't tap into our sexuality when we're being hurt or used. Our relationships are rooted in respect — if they weren't, then we wouldn't feel empowered by sexual dominance.

Our partners listen to us, listen to our bodies and have the utmost respect for our limitations and boundaries.

Because we refuse to be ashamed of our fantasies

Having real girl power means we have confidence in what turns us on. Just because we're turned on by our partners serving as the dominant energy during sex doesn't make us any less of a feminist than the girl who gets her rocks off in spanking boys; that's for damn sure.

Guille Faingold

Owning your personal fantasy and NOT allowing yourself to feel embarrassed or ashamed for it is what being sex-positive really means.

Because our creativity is connected to our sexuality

It's come to my attention the general masses don't quite understand the most powerful of women are also the most creative.

Creativity is the most powerful weapon in all of the land — it's what moves the world forward; after all, everything in existence was an idea before it came into tangible fruition, right?

We can't micro-manage or compartmentalize creativity — once we are tapped into that side of ourselves, it overflows into all parts of our lives, sex included.

As powerful, creative women, we have an unstoppable ambition in venturing into unchartered territories.

Experimenting with power dynamics and feeling the rush of new sensations, now that's sexy.

Because we are taking the power back

The sad truth is as much as society is taking mega strides toward improvement, even in the residence of this relatively safe first-world country, we as women have been made to feel vulnerable for merely existing.

Even the most powerful force of female nature isn't exactly safe meandering the city streets in the darkness.

The world is chock-full of predators, and denying this unfortunate fact isn't going to create change.

The sad part is, vulnerability shouldn't be associated with helplessness because they're two different things.


As women, we too often link vulnerability with negativity, when it's actually nice and human to feel vulnerable.

When we're in a consenting sexual relationship, it's our CHOICE to be vulnerable to our partner.

We are being dominated because we wanted it, not because someone broke into our worlds and ruthlessly took power over us.

Because we're in control of everything else

It's not easy to forever be the leader, spending the days being the boss. Taking the reins at work, being in absolute control over everything all the time – even though we're more than up for it, it's still a tough job.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, we just want someone else to call the shots – to rip off our clothes with a reckless abandon and steer the ship.