35 Types Of Sex You've Either Had Or Will Have In Your Lifetime
The world is filled with beautiful f*cking people.
And, if you're lucky enough, some of those beautiful people will wind up underneath your sheets.
There are all different types of sexual adventures: There's the sex that leaves us wanting more, the sex that makes us wish we never Uber-ed to our ex's house and the sex that crushes our dignity as we walk home in last night's outfit that's giving all the early birds a reason to stare.
The world is in dire need of a universal list of all the types of sex each person will experience in life, for a few reasons.
We can begin to prepare ourselves for the weird, raunchy and wild nights ahead, as well as catalog certain sexual experiences that have left us asking ourselves: WTF just happened?
So here it is: every single type of sex you've had, will have eventually or are about to engage in the second you lock up your phone after reading this article.
1. Your First Time
It's going to hurt. Or it may be great. No one f*cking knows, but everyone will have an opinion regardless.
2. The Pity F*ck
You've either done it to someone, or someone's done it to you. Or worse, you're both doing it to each other..
3. The "Do I Know You?" F*ck
Did I meet you at the bar? No, it was the afterparty. Wait, how did you get in my house? Wait, this isn't my house...
4. The Tinder F*ck
You looked much hotter online, but it's a Tuesday night and I just finished "Girls" season three. You'll do for now.
5. Your First Time Doing It In A Car
Your limbs will bend in ways you didn't know possible. That's why they call it stick shift.
6. The "You're Out Of My League" Sex
I have no idea how this happened, but I'm not complaining. I've actually already texted four of my friends and we haven't even finished.
7. The "I Already Regret This" F*ck
This just is not going the way either of us planned it. Sometimes bad sex is inevitable.
8. The "I'm Scared Of Commitment" Sex
You're looking at me like you're in love with me. Creepy...
9. Sideline Sex
You've either cheated, been cheated on or slept with someone's SO. Either way, this sex doesn't fly in my house.
10. Your First Time Through The Back Door
Let's get this over with. #NWTS
11. Shower Sex
OK, is it just me or does this never go down the way it looks in the movies? It's completely overrated.
12. Birthday Sex
This is the night every single fantasy of yours should (and will) be fulfilled.
13. The Honeymoon Phase F*ckfest
This is when you both live (and have a ton of sex) in your own little bubble. Sleep, eat, f*ck, repeat.
14. Your First Threesome
...And hopefully not your last.
15. Aggressive Sex
It's all about power and dominance. Think "50 Shades of Grey."
16. Kinky Sex
It requires a lot of leather, chains and extra elbow grease, but in the end it's... well, kinky.
17. The Fetish F*ck
I heard about people liking feet, but this is just weird...
18. The "Your Pet Is Watching Us" Sex
It's either one too many kitties in the bedroom or not the doggy you were hoping for.
19. The "I Faked It" F*ck
I appreciate the concern, but can we just cuddle instead?
20. The Friend F*ck
We had one too many glasses of wine, and then things got weird.
21. Congratulatory Sex
The best way to celebrate really anything. You deserve this sex, Glen Coco.
22. The Quickie
I'd love to keep this going, but my Uber arrives in seven minutes.
23. Goodbye Sex
I hate to see you go, but I looove watching you leave.
24. The Reunion F*ck
The much anticipated follow up to number 23.
25. Make-Up Sex
I think we both just needed to get that out of the way. Pizza?
26. The "I Look So Good Tonight" F*ck
I look way too good not to have sex with someone right now.
27. Vacation Sex
Your first and only time having sex on a 500 thread count sheet.
28. The "You Don't Speak English" F*ck
I have no idea what you're saying, but it sure sounds hot.
29. Morning Sex
We get to eat bacon after this? Score.
30. Drunk Sex
Terrible sex that is often incorrectly remembered as the best sex you ever had.
31. The "Shhh... My Roommates Are Home" Sex
May I suggest a pillow?
32. The "I Think I'm Into You" Sex
Is this love, is this love, is this love that I'm feeling...
33. Routine Sex
Let's wrap this up so we can finish binge-watching "Orange Is The New Black."
34. The "I Think I Had Sex Last Night, But I'm Not Sure" Sex
*Checks garbage can for wrappers*
35. The First Time You Say "I Love You" Sex
This is, without a doubt, some of the best sex you will ever have in your life.