Should I Text The Guy Who Ghosted Me?
Getting ghosted is easily one of the worst feelings in the world.
Sure, the act itself, and its aftereffects, are bad for both parties involved, but the person being ghosted is always the one left in limbo, wondering what exactly happened.
Where did things go wrong? What did that they do that caused the ghosting? Is there anyway they could've changed the turn of events?
If you've been a victim to ghosting, kicked to the curb with no answers, odds are you've considered (or are currently considering) reaching out to the person that ghosted you for an explanation.
But that's the thing: Should you? Is it even worth it?
So, before you going hitting the "send" button, ask yourself these three questions before hitting up your ghoster one more time:
1. What Am I Hoping To Gain From This?
Have an honest moment with yourself before you decide to text someone that ghosted you and ask: What do I really want?
Are you looking for a reconnection? Are you just looking to get some feelings out? Are you looking to make the person feel bad about what they did?
Unfortunately, none of these are a good enough reason to reach out to the person who caused you such emotional distress.
"It hurts to be ignored or broken up with," says Chicago-based matchmaker, Stef Safran. "However, these days it is part of dating. The question is what do you hope to happen? If they left once, they could easily leave again."
If you are looking for a reconnection, look elsewhere. Someone that ghosts you won't easily respond to another text from you attempting to open the door again.
This isn't a good way to get feelings out or feel some type of vindication, either. It's a better idea to call a friend to talk things through that let your vulnerability be exposed to someone so callous.
"This is not someone you can count on, and they're going to make you feel even more lonely when they ghost you again," says New York-based relationship expert, April Masini.
Before you decide to text someone that ghosted you, really sit down and figure out what you want from it. If it's not attainable, then just let it go.
2. Can I Handle It If I Don't Get A Response... Again?
Let's be real: If someone ghosted you, what makes you think they will respond to another text?
It's unlikely that someone with the emotional maturity of a peanut who decided to ghost in the first place will respond to anything else you send their way. Remember, it could be worse not to hear a response from them now than it was when they first left.
Safran says to think about the following before making any move toward your ghoster: "How will you feel if they don't respond at all, or in a few days? Will you feel worse if they don't contact you back again?"
Because odds are, they probably won't.
"If you're desperate, texting someone who ghosted you will just add fuel to that fire," says Masini. "A person who ghosts isn't interested in your mental health or your well being. They want what they want when they want it, and they're not up for etiquette or responsibility."
In all likelihood, just the act of reaching out one more time will open a wound that is better left closed.
3. Is This Something I Really Want To Do?
More than anything, you should ask yourself if texting your ghoster is something you really want to do.
Plain and simple, the most common advice you'll get from many outlets, including marriage therapist Nicole Richardson, is: "Don't do it!"
At this point, there are very few times in life that we are truly unavailable for more than a few hours and if we are, we most likely planned it. If your last one or two texts have gone without response, call or text a friend and let them know you are in the midst of being ghosted and in need of comfort. Even if the person lost their phone (which would typically be replaced within less than 24 hours) if you blow them up they will probably think you are obsessive when they do get their phone back.
According to Richardson, no good can come from texting someone who may have ghosted you, so just don't do it at all.
It'll only lead to more turmoil, heartbreak, and pain that you don't need to include in your life. Don't allow yourself to think that you need to text your ghoster; they cut you out of the picture, so let them live on with their life will you live yours.
Yes, ghosting straight out sucks, but it's important to remember that it's not your fault. Ghosting has to do exclusively with how immature the other person is, and how they've decided not to handle any grown-up emotions by leaving the situation.
Before you decide to text someone that ghosted you, ask yourself these questions. Make an informed decision about whether it's worth it - chances are, unfortunately, it's not.