It's not uncommon for my friends to give me hell for still being single. I just turned 28 and it has been five years since my last relationship.
My sister regularly messages me to ask when she'll be an aunt. My coworkers constantly taunt me for being too picky. By their logic, if you're too picky, you'll start sending mixed signals to your peers.
Well, here are 12 instances when people commonly tell me, "This is why you're single," and I'm totally fine with it:
1. I'm not afraid of the "friend zone."
Ultimately, I'm there quite often. I'll buy her dinner without any expectations and pay for her movie without even getting a kiss goodnight out of it.
This lack of pursuance has often led me to spend a lot of money while friend-zoning myself in the process. Whatever.
2. I won't hesitate to be a complete dork around you.
That's just who I am. I am completely comfortable with acting silly around everyone, including attractive girls.
3. I love to wear childish clothes.
In fact, sometimes I shop the youth section of department clothing stores for my Batman shirts because it's less likely I'll see people at the bar wearing the same thing.
Not only does this typically save me a lot of money, but I also get unique shirts. Many people would say this reflects my being part of the Peter Pan generation.
4. I can tell when you're not interested, but not when you are.
My cynical, yet accurate, read on women when it comes to their interest in me has saved me from a lot of rejection.
However, my lack of being able to read women when they are interested has ultimately led me to several missed opportunities.
Overall, I'm okay with playing it safe for the time being. The confidence to pursue someone without fear of rejection ultimately comes with personal growth.
5. I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm not saying my next date will lead to the one, but one-night stands aren't my style, and I can't justify going on a date with a girl just because.
Hopefully, my relationship will grow with any girl who's worth the investment of my time.
6. I have baggage.
The last girl I loved shut me down hard, and as a result, I felt traumatized. If you're wondering why I'm okay with this, it's because it has kept me humble and reminded me to be cautious with how I invest my feelings.
After enduring heartbreak, you have two options: Let it ruin you for life, or learn from it and become a better relationship builder. I'm grateful I'm not the same person I was at the time of my heartbreak.
7. I'm watching out for your best interest.
Most of my friends call this a lack of self-confidence. I am often hesitant to put myself out there because I lack the job title I want or education or the lifestyle you deserve.
I'm not rich; in fact, I'm terrible at managing money. I can't cook, which often leads to the back-and-forth conversation of, "Where do you want to eat?" My philosophy is that in order to be the ideal guy for you, I should be the kind of guy I would approve of for my daughter to date.
Unsurprisingly, "terrible at managing money" and "lack of a solid job title" are two things that will make me apprehensive to any 20-something who, someday, wants my daughter's hand.
8. I also have high standards for myself.
While I'm also looking out for you, I'm looking out for me, too. My friends will tell me, "You don't need to look for someone perfect. You just need to someone who will give you a blowjob and not call you back tomorrow."
I disagree. You don't have to be perfect, but you have to be perfect for me.
9. My jokes and references are either super corny, or just "Did he just say that?" kind of moments.
The other day, as me and my friends were leaving the restaurant, I said, "Alright. Roll out, transformers!" as we paid the bill.
10. I analyze things entirely too much.
Rather than go for it, I usually overthink situations. I'm usually on point with whatever I think the outcome is, too.
But, overall, I'm okay with having an analytic personality. It gives me a much better understanding of everything, and with time, I'm sure I'll be able to use my insight for relationships.
11. Many people think I'm gay.
Between being raised primarily by my mother and not seeing my dad much, I picked up on some less-than-masculine mannerisms.
On top of that, being well-groomed and having a gay best friend hasn't really helped me create an accurate image of my orientation. However, I wouldn't ever change how I was raised or who my best friend is for the sake of getting laid.
12. I don't believe in alternatives.
I know who I like, and while I may not like someone forever, I won't pursue someone else until my feelings for that person diminish. I don't ever have the mindset of, "Oh, since I can't date the first girl, this other girl will do."
In the big picture, my friends know who I am and respect it, despite constantly giving me hell for it.
Could you argue that my friends are just terrible people? From an outside perspective, sure. But, I know they have my best interest at heart, and trolling is just fun and games.
"This is why you're single" has become somewhat of a tagline for me.