Independent is a characteristic I am proud to have, while also being one that comes back to bite me in the realm of my love life.
Regardless of how many men I chase away, my independence is non-negotiable and simply something that I'm not willing to give up.
As it turns out, many of the men I've tried to date, just really aren't into independent women. I don't know if it's a turn-off or if it scares them, but I'm really sick of it.
So independent women everywhere can rejoice because I'm about to lay down some things that you need to know before you even consider dating one.
This way, you don't waste your time or hers.
1. We need alone time.
We don't need to be latched on to you for all hours of the day.
Sometimes, we might just want a night or two alone. We'll want to go out with our friends without you and sometimes we just wanna watch Netflix alone.
It's nothing against you or our relationship at all. We just need to do some things by ourselves.
2. We never play games.
Similarly to not chasing you, we're also not down with the old cat and mouse game.
Pretending not to be interested followed by blowing up our Instagram and Snapchat is not going to get you anywhere.
We're not interested in being baited like fish only to have the hook be pulled away as soon as we're about to latch on.
3. We're aware of the fact that we deserve better if that's the case.
If you're not respecting us, we'll know we deserve better.
We'll probably give you a few chances to shape up, but if we don't see improvement, we're going to say goodbye.
Treat us right or we'll find someone who will.
4. We won't chase you.
We're all for working hard to make a relationship work but we're not going to chase you around like some kind of animal going after its prey.
The moment you give the slightest hint that you're losing interest is when we decide to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea and frankly, we don't give a damn about trying to change your mind.
5. We don't need anyone, let alone you.
Yes, you read that right. We don't need you. But we do want you, and that's exactly how a relationship should be.
You should always be in a relationship that you want to be in, versus a relationship that you feel that you need to be in.
No relationship should be so defining that you'd lose yourself without them. We were fine before you, we'll be fine after you.
6. We won't change for you
Independent women make you uncomfortable? That's too bad.
Look for a codependent woman if we make you uncomfortable, because we certainly aren't going to become more dependent just to make you feel more like a man.
7. If you don't respect us, we won't stick around.
We put up with zero bullshit. Which means if we're feeling the slightest bit disrespected, we're going to say something.
If it continues to happen, we have absolutely no problem just leaving.
8. There's no reason to be scared of us.
We are not scary people. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be completely dependent on someone.
Someone, please explain to me why guys think independent women are scary. And if you think we're intimidating, thank you so much.
9. We're going to be completely honest with you.
If we're not feeling the connection, we'll be upfront with you.
We won't sugarcoat it and we certainly won't ghost.
We'll rip it off like a bandaid so you can get on with your life. Similarly, if we like you and we want this to go somewhere, you can bet your ass that we will tell you.
10. We expect you to live your own life.
When you're in a relationship, your life becomes a shared one. That doesn't mean you need to experience everything together, just that you should share what you experience.
We want you to have your own life with your own friends and own hobbies that you can feel comfortable doing without us and not feel bad about. We want that for ourselves, too. You don't have to give up your identity and life to be in a relationship.
Men, independent women are not a bad thing. In fact, it's probably one of the best relationships you could possibly be in because we are the least clingy of women.
You'll probably save some money (because we'll insist on getting the bill for dinner half of the time) and you'll still get to see your friends. Independent ladies, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't perfect. Real men are out there waiting for you.
**Originally written by Kait Mackinnon on Unwritten.