I regularly watch beauty vloggers on YouTube. Guilty as charged.
Most are teenagers with as much experience in the beauty industry as my cat, but there’s something charming about their enthusiasm. I can spend all day watching 14-year-olds talk about anti-aging benefits and how they’ve spent years perfecting their winged liner technique.
While there are certainly some gurus out there with serious makeup know-how, most are just kids filming in their bedrooms. It's not that they give terrible tips because they're kids, it's just that many tutorials aren't well-researched or are just flat-out ridiculous.
Seeing as most YouTubers had very grassroots, informal starts, they don't know how to work on a professional level in the beauty industry. That means often ignoring FTC disclosure requirements or exclusively working with brands that give out freebies.
Needless to say, these kids occasionally give dreadful advice.
1. Oreos as mascara.
This video got a lot of attention last year because, hello, Oreos. Look at how utilitarian! Look at how budget-friendly!
First, all the supplies used (rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, Oreos, a primer) would cumulatively cost more than a tube of mascara.
Second, Oreo crumbs on your eyeballs sounds like a surefire way to go blind. Hello, corneal abrasions! Sounds sexy, right? What's more, it doesn’t work. Really. Women braver than I have tried it and it didn’t work.
2. Ombre brows, because everything must be ombre, right?
Fact: Ombre brows look cool on Instagram. They also look like total sh*t in real life. Seriously, half your brow looks nearly invisible and the other half is like the Forbidden Forest.
Your brows don’t have to match your hair. I promise.
3. Color-correcting contouring.
Contouring? Great. Using pastel green, pink, purple and yellow to color correct while simultaneously contouring? You. Are. Crazy.
Not only do you look like a terrifying Easter-themed clown, but you’re also just wasting product. Color correcting works by using color to neutralize an opposite shade. Green, for example, neutralizes red tones on your face, while yellows counteract the purple tones you might find under your eyes.
If you want to contour, contour. If you want to color correct, stick to using product where you actually need it.
4. All contour everything.
While on the subject of contouring, let's talk about how the technique is so, so grossly overused.
Seriously, these girls are telling us they contour to walk their dogs, go to school and run errands. I'm all for glamorous makeup no matter the occasion, but this takes it to a whole new level.
Contouring is a trick used by drag queens and professional makeup artists for photo shoots, not just young women with access to endless amounts of bronzer.
5. Kylie Jenner lips.
Unless you're getting temporary lip fillers at the end of your video, your Kylie Jenner lips are just over-lined. Girls hoped to achieve Kylie's "miraculous" plump lips just by drawing their own, which isn't a solution that works.
It's not possible to replicate the effects of doctor's office procedures without, well, procedures.
6. Contouring your boobs.
I'm not sure at what point we decided contouring every visible inch of skin was considered de rigueur. But, now, I apparently am doing something wrong when I don't put cream bonzer on my boobs.
7. What the f*ck is Barbie makeup?
Unless I'm going as Barbie for Halloween, I don't need to look like yet another doll with zero regard for realistic body types.