We’re told that when we are little we have to say sorry for our wrongdoings and bad decisions. That when we hurt someone’s feelings, we owe them an apology, unless of course they’re a complete moron, then we all know that it’s perfectly okay to be a bitch.
But really though, what ever happened to admitting you were wrong and owning up for mistakes? I’m pretty sure this sh*t was taught to us on "Sesame Street" (before we knew Elmo dated little boys and he had to learn to say sorry as well).
There are too many people I know, myself included, who have been scammed and gypped of an apology. From the everyday sidewalk hustler who runs into you like a linebacker for a Texas football team (yes, Texas because that is the home of football, plus I’m trying to give good visuals, so don’t question it) to the worst person we all hate/love to think about: our ex.
Yes, the ex, that letter that is a variable in math and not a number (aka why the hell is a letter in math?), exes make everything confusing, literally. I mean I’ve been trying to solve my x problems for the last 4 years. Come awwwwn! (Shout out to the Gob voice from "Arrested Development.")
So instead of stalking them on Facebook or trying to track down their Instagram, let’s rehash them here. In this article. In which everyone who was ever owed an apology from their ex and never received it will get it.
There is only one apology from a certain ex that I never received and it took me probably up until this article to realize that I didn’t need his apology at all in order to be okay in life or to feel at ease.
I’ll admit, I was extremely hurt for a long time because he was one of those guys who had you finding Taylor Swift songs to sing along to. (And then when it ended, you still had Taylor Swift to sing along to -- props t-swift). That’s actually a terrible analogy.
Moving on though, yeah we were young and in love blah, blah, blah (not trying to turn this into the next Nicholas Sparks novel), but young people still know what love is (until they move to NYC and realize how many more amazing people there are out there). Anyway, I thought this was the real deal. Like all those tumblr pictures with the silhouette couples in the sunset and fields...is it just me or do they all look alike?
Well it took me a few tries to realize that I wanted to be with him, but I definitely saw me spending the rest of my life with him. He was the Seth to my Summer, my best friend, he made me laugh until I cried, our parents loved both of us. I mean next to my sister, he was the closest person in my life.
It wasn’t until a very fatal kiss that I realized this stupid dream was just that. A dream. It happened so quickly that I didn’t even know it hit me. It was as if I was still mid conversation and then Bam! -- I was out like Regina George. You see, at the time he had a new girlfriend, which was fine because I didn’t realize the whole I-want-to-be-with-you ending of a dramatic love movie moment yet.
When I did though, I knew I had to tell him. Even if nothing came about it, I knew I had to share it and I was almost positive the feelings were mutual.
So one night we’re hanging out and talking about college, where we want to be, the where we see ourselves kinda crap and then it happened. What started off as a tease about his sh*tty, barely grown in beard and his trying to rub it on my face -- the kiss happened. Not a peck, but a kiss.
Of course, I’m not really thinking about anything else at this point -- even with the hot Volcom skaters on the screen in front of us. It was the happiest I had ever felt. Then curfew called and he walked me to my car as I drove off and mass-texted almost everyone in my phone about how ecstatic I was and calling friends who were cheering on as if they were watching their favorite team win at the bar.
After that, I pull up to my house, check my phone, and see the text from him. He wanted to take back the kiss, he wanted to stay with his girlfriend, he didn’t want to be with me. This was the biggest dagger and one of the lowest moments I’ve ever had/felt. Two super strong emotions within a 30 minute time span were almost too much for my heart.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard in my entire life either. I looked like the bitch from "The Notebook" when Ryan Gosling is all like “What am I going to do in New York? We should take a break.” and she starts crying even more -- red in the face, eyes puffy and sh*t. It’s a terrible thing to see, but fortunately for me only my best friend saw me like this.
Two weeks later, I get another text from him like nothing ever happened. No apology, no hallmark words of wisdom. It was as if nothing happened.
Anyway, for the longest time I had felt like a piece of me was empty and unfulfilled because someone I had cared so much about, ended up not caring at all for me. And that was hurtful. There are no shitty guidelines or books for dummies on how to handle a situation like that.
The only thing I held onto was an apology, hoping that it would be the last stitch to my wound that wouldn’t heal. I moved on to NYC and he stayed back home (spoiler alert: I don’t think he ever told his now ex-gf what happened as they stayed together for a while after our kiss).
Like I said, it was only recently that I discovered I don’t need his apology anymore because there is so much more to accomplish out of life and if I allow one person to play a huge part on my emotions then I am not living to the fullest, but hurting myself even more.
You see, as we grow up, people are no longer required to apologize for their actions. They can completely cut you off or pretend as if nothing ever happened. And when this does happen to you, I hope you have enough courage and strength to move on faster than I did.
To look around at all the amazing people in your life, the people you have yet to meet (still holding out for Shaun White), and the career opportunities you may be embarking upon.
Because at the end of the day, only you can allow the actions of others to destroy the best features of yourself. It can cripple you in ways you may not even know, when sometimes you have to step back and realize that the apology you may have wanted will never come. And by accepting that fact, you are actually setting yourself free and giving yourself the chance to fill that emptiness with the love and friendships of others who actually care about you.
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr
