15 Terrible Things A Girl Going Through A Tough Breakup Should Never Do
Summer is over and that means your tan isn’t the only thing doing the slow-fade, so is your relationship.
If you feel alone, you shouldn’t. Breakups are super trendy right now, and if you throw in lines like "conscious uncoupling" while miming the Jayoncé PR team, you’ll be sure to regain all the friends you temporarily lost as you were too busy not going out and playing house.
Don’t be sad -- the one thing more fun and exciting than a girl with a boyfriend is a girl without one. And though you might feel really low right now, remember that directly after a breakup is when a single girl’s desirability is the highest.
Don’t ruin it by binging on mini cupcakes and bad breath in your three-day-old sweatpants.
You think J.Lo got her groove back by quitting music and crying over three years of Bennifer? If she can stand up to haunting “Gigli” reruns, you can overcome this breakup, too.
It doesn’t matter how old or young you are. It doesn’t matter how pretty or skinny or tall you are. There is no woman on this planet who hasn’t experienced a breakup (even if it’s with her dry cleaners).
At this very moment in time, some beautiful, smart, put-together woman somewhere is getting dumped. Find comfort in knowing it isn’t just you (or maybe it is, but that’s an entirely different issue).
Some choose to lose all composure and go blabbering about it Taylor Swift-style to anyone who will listen, while others know better than to let a man get the best of them. Don’t pull a Marnie (and no, we’re not referring to Allison Williams’ fugly short hair, although you probably shouldn’t do something drastic like that either).
You’re stronger than showing up at his new job, dedicating a song to him and begging for him to take you back. You’re smarter than letting your life go to sh*t just because someone decided to leave it. Get it together, Carol.
Here are the 15 worst things a girl can do during a breakup:
1. Make any form of premature contact
The best thing you can do is avoid all direct forms of communication. Don't leave him anything that can't be returned, including voice messages, emails and provocative take-me-back photos.
As we know from hackers, these things can easily circulate.
2. Let yourself go
It might sound way harsh Tai, but don't let yourself go. Your sexiest self is the best revenge.
3. Fall back into his arms any time you get drunk
Though, if you do, never leave your favorite pair of panties there after break-up sex, then you'll really have to hate yourself.
4. Yell it to everyone at the bar who doesn’t care
The easiest way to mess-up your re-release into the world of singledom is by drunkenly lamenting about your breakup. This is your time to shine, not your time to whine.
5. Delete him on every form of social media
While you're busy living your glamorous, toned-body, #nofilter lifestyle, he is sadly trolling it. Amazing pictures = silent intimidation for the next bitch.
6. Envision what his life is like without you
Girlfriend, you've wasted enough time thinking about his needs. Focus on your own.
7. Self-loathe alone in your bed
That just leads to misery and letting it go (see #2). If you need to feel better about yourself, go watch a Hilary Duff movie, it helps.
8. Walk by his house
This is what we sane people call "stalking." Put down the binoculars, too.
9. Change the way you look entirely
You think you need a new image and the next thing you know, you look like Lena Dunham with a bowl cut.
10. Hibernate in your own negativity
The name of the game is to get out: of the throes of your relationship, of your house, of your head. Then you'll really start to enjoy yourself.
11. Wallow in your misery
Don’t wallow in your misery because it feels good to feel bad sometimes. When you lose sight of what makes you special, you forget how to make your own happiness.
12. Cry at work
However you decide to cope is your business -- emphasis on your.
You wouldn't go bragging to the entire office about all the rebound dudes you bagged, so don't do show off your tears either. Keep it professional by separating your personal life and your job.
13. Punish yourself for his mistakes
No one got ahead by living in the past. Focusing on what you've gained from this loss (better taste in music? knowledge of football?) will help you move forward.
14. Waste your energy on revenge
The best retaliation is finding self-fulfillment when you formerly sought it from someone else. Consuming yourself with silly revenge tactics slows the "get over it" process.
Tell yourself: if there's an ABC drama named after what I'm doing right now, perhaps I shouldn't be doing it.
15. Obsess over relationship photos
This is part of #11: wallowing. It's okay to have that special time in which you light metaphorical candles and blast sad Adele songs while sniffing his old t-shirts that are freshly covered in your tears. But it's got to end somewhere.
Photo Courtesy: MyCosmo