Unless you’re starring in the latest Victoria’s Secret commercial, lying next to a fireplace with only a furry bra on, there’s really nothing sexy about winter. Our lips are flaky, our bodies are never quite the perfect temperature and everything is just, well, dry.
When the colder months sweep in, it feels as if the grey, frigid-to-the-bone days are endless. Let’s not forget the dreaded bouts of S.A.D. disease that make us want to linger in our beds like we’re Charlie’s grandparents from Willy Wonka.
Sitting here huddled by our spatial heaters, wearing socks that are thicker than a “Harry Potter” novel, we realize just how much we hate winter. Here are the 25 Reasons Why Every Girl Hates The Cold Weather Season:
Lip balm sticking to your hair
We didn’t know that chapstick and hair follicles were magnetically attracted to each other.
Unable to fit jewelry underneath our gloves
How are we supposed to rock our statement rings and stacked bangles?
Putting on tights is a special kind of warfare
And once we finally get them on, they will inevitably start to run from our cracked nails.
No more iced coffee!
Pumpkin spice lattes were so last season. What are we supposed to drink now? Peppermint mochas with more calories than a York pattie? Gross.
Immediately sweating when you make it inside
Wait, what just happened? We were literally freezing a few seconds ago. Why is sweat dripping from our necks right now?
They are the enemy. It’s like being handcuffed around your neck.
Our upkeep gets way, way more intense
We’re dealing with cracked nails, dried split ends, flaky skin, furry legs, slowed hair growth, chapped lips, itchy eyes, running noses, cut cuticles, scaly hands and elbows, and rough feet. It’s a tough world out there! Maintaining our soft, supple appearance takes serious effort.
Getting down with a guy involves an additional 30 minutes of foreplay to peel off all your layers
Love is a battlefield.
The feeling when you free your feet from over the knee boots
Well, we don’t actually hate this part. But the fact that this sensation exists makes us hate winter all over again.
Lowered motivation for spin class when it turns dark outside at 5 pm
When the alternative is returning home to snuggle with fuzzy socks and movies, the gym doesn’t stand a chance.
Nobody enjoys having to paint your face with bronzer just to not look translucent. And fake tans make us look painfully orange without a proper base. Start pasting inspiration photos of Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone on your Pinterest.
Can’t show off our crop tops or cute outfits underneath the puffy jacket
That is, if you’re still brave enough to even wear one.
Eternally red noses from blowing them all season
The Rudolph look is really in this winter.
All the thick, layered sweaters make you look like you’ve gained a few
It’s even harder to stuff all that covering into our winter coats.
Ice skating is genuinely considered a date
How about no? Is ice skating really fun for everyone involved or have we been watching too many winter-themed rom-coms?
Losing your jacket at the club
We covered this one in our nightclub nightmares, but having to bring a jacket to the bar and finding a secure spot to hook it is more worrisome than remembering to bring your gloves and hat.
Accidentally under-dressing for the drop in temperature
Why do we think we’ll be warm enough in just a sweater and leather jacket? It fails every time.
Slipping in our heels on the sidewalk
Why hasn’t someone invented convertible snow boots?
Awkwardly wearing two jackets when we’re dressed in a blazer for work
Not to mention having to carry your overcoat on your arm the whole time.
It’s harder to get laid because we’re shaving less and rarely going out
We can no longer be spontaneous with our hook-ups because our legs have been neglected for two weeks and our room looks like a cave.
Our hair is flat and static-ridden
Is there a solution for hat hair? And let’s not forget how our manes grow two shades darker in the winter.
Less space on the sidewalk for our oversized bags
Everyone’s puffy down jackets take up too much room!
Comfort foods, comfy beds, comfort movies = weight gain
What’s a ‘comfort movie’ you ask? Have you not seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding” or “How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days”?! While simultaneously shoveling mac ’n’ cheese in your mouth?
Annoying advertisements for the holiday season
If we have to listen to one more Old Navy jingle, we’re going to bash the television.
No rooftop parties, dining al fresco or leisurely walks outside