We all know “that girl.” She’s the one on your Facebook news feed posting a status about what she’s thinking of having for dinner or quoting Marilyn Monroe because she thinks it’s edgy. She’s the girl at the party who has nothing to talk about after explaining why she loves Taylor Swift.
She's the girl who posts more selfies in one day than words she uses in conversation. She’s the girl who is fake -- her tan, her hair and her personality. She’s the one who talks baby talk and thinks it’s cute. She’s… the one with the boyfriend.
Every single woman, at one time or another, has felt that earth-shattering crack after meeting a horrible person with a rather cool significant other.
We've all felt the pain of watching people who don't deserve the love we think we deserve flaunted in front of our faces. Every girl has been there, single and depressed, wondering, if a girl like that can get a boyfriend, why can't she?
It happens everywhere. Whether you were scrolling through Facebook and came across her recent notification with a picture of her and her new bae tailgating or apple picking.
Maybe it was at that party where you met her and after deciding how much better of a human you were, she introduced you to her hot boyfriend.
It’s that moment when all your former preconceived notions about love and your single status come crashing down around you and your rum and coke. That girl has a boyfriend? What does that say about me? If that girl can get a boyfriend, what am I doing wrong?
While I can't give you a definitive explanation as to how "those girls" manage to scoop up the array of single hot men, I can tell you you're not alone. I can also tell you that just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean she's happier.
Just because she thinks she's on the path to marriage doesn't mean she is. Then again, what the hell do I know? Whether she's happy, he has a small penis or they're miserable together, all I know are the thoughts that go through every single girl's mind when "that girl" gets a boyfriend.
1. Excuse me, what?
2. Please tell me you’re kidding.
3. What the f*ck?
4. No, seriously.
5. What the f*ck?
6. She has a magic vagina.
7. That’s the only explanation.
8. He’s probably really stupid.
9. She’s definitely giving it up twice a night.
10. There must be a reason.
11. They probably met in college
12. No, high school.
13. Why did I break up with the only guy who loved me?
14. Why didn’t I take my high school boyfriend more seriously?
15. I hate myself.
16. I hate everyone.
17. Everyone officially sucks.
18. There’s something wrong with the world.
19. I should just give up now.
20. F*ck it, I guess I’m just always going to be single.
21. Why do all the good guys go for the wrong girls?
22. Does he even like her?
23. I bet he’s really weird.
24. Something must be wrong with him.
25. He probably isn't packing.
26. Or maybe he’s a douchey frat guy who thinks he’s a DJ.
27. He better not have money.
28. Don’t tell me he has money.
29. And a master's from Columbia?
30. So he’s smart?
31. But how smart?
32. He must have been a nerd who got hot.
33. They probably have a dog together.
34. It’s probably some stupid dog...
35. That she picked.
36. She probably named it something stupid like Scout or Bailey.
37. There’s a knife in the kitchen.
38. Should I just end it now?
40. If that’s the kind of girl who gets guys then I’d rather be single.
41. I bet she has a really good ass.
42. I need to start working out more.
43. I wonder how much they have sex.
44. She probably doesn’t even get on top.
45. She’s probably a huge bitch.
46. You know what, f*ck it.
47. I don’t want a guy if he goes for those kinds of girls.
48. I’m going to be single and fabulous forever.
49. She’s never going to let him go.
50. She knows she’ll never do better.
51. Chances are she probably will though.
52. She’ll probably break up with him.
53. Then find another hot guy.
54. And leave him all damaged...
55. And screwed up for the next girl who tries to date him.
56. That girl will probably be me.
57. F*ck her.