55 Ridiculous Thoughts A Girl Has When She's Getting Her Hair Cut

by Ashley Fern

If you, like me, suffer through every hair appointment you've ever had on the brink of an emotional breakdown, then you have come to the right place.

Every female knows how difficult it is to find a stylist you love and trust, which is why we go through our appointments in sheer and utter terror.

Lucky for me, I have since found someone who does not force me into a fit of tears at the conclusion of our session. But up until that point, you probably couldn't pay me to enter a hair salon.

Regardless of your age, once you have a traumatic hair experience, there really is no going back — that is until you find that right person. But enough about that, let's focus on what you're feeling when you don't have that right person.

Let's instead talk about the thoughts that go through your mind when the person cutting your hair doesn't actually care that you only want a dusting and as a result, cuts off four solid inches of hair that probably took you two years to grow.

We definitely know the pain. Here are 55 thoughts that go through your head while those scissors are at work:

1. I haven't used my hair straightener in three days.

2. So, basically, my hair is really healthy.

3. Motherf*cker! Who am I kidding?

4. I'm about to get yelled at like I committed a cardinal sin.

5. What else am I even supposed to do? Rock an afro for my entire life?

6. I'm not sure what I'm more nervous about — getting yelled at about my frazzled hair or the actual cut/color itself.

7. If I tell her I want a dusting, will she still cut off 5-plus inches?

8. That assh*le back in 2001 did that, and I've really never recovered.

9. Holy sh*t! That was 14 years ago?

10. How the f*ck is my hair still this short then?

11. OK, just breathe, it won't be that bad.

12. I should probably extract my clip-in hair extensions right about now.

13. I guess 15 minutes of a "stop applying so much heat to your hair" lecture isn't that bad if she's telling me she's OK giving me a dusting.

14. It's almost time for the moment of truth.

15. Wow, my hair looks so long and luscious when it's wet and brushed straight.

16. This will last all of five minutes before she starts hacking away.


18. Maybe my hair would grow if I just embraced this stupid afro.

19. But no, I have to tame it for the office.

20. These people don't even notice my hair anyway; this is all my own f*cking fault.

21. Did I just hear her start snipping?

22. All I can see are my ends hitting the floor.

23. Ugh, and here I thought I'd be over using my hair extensions.

24. Should I just tell her to cut more?

25. HAHA, yeah right.

26. Why is she still cutting?

27. She isn't even at the sides of my head yet.

28. F*ck this isn't looking or sounding too good for me right about now.

29. I could literally make new hair extensions with the hair that's gathered on the floor.

30. Why don't I ever listen and ease up on the straightener?

31. Oh great, now she's framing my face.

32. I'm not too sure what she's framing it with, considering I'm going to be bald.

33. OMG.

34. What if people confuse these short side pieces with bangs?


36. I can't wait until she pulls all the hair to the front to cut so I can get a few tears out without her noticing.

37. This is my shield of comfort for the next minute.

38. No matter what is done, I'm going to go home, wash my hair and cry while styling it the way I want to.

39. It really doesn't even matter if it's THE BEST haircutter in the world, it will never look the way you want it to until you've done it yourself.

40. Why do they even bother to ask if you like it before your hair is even blown out?

41. Is it so farfetched to just want a pin-straight blow out?

42. Why am I being asked if I want curls or waves?

43. I literally want the fastest thing possible so I can go home and cry in self-pity.

44. This is the worst day of my life.

45. No wonder I only get my haircut once a year (if that).

46. All I keep hearing is, "Your hair will grow if you cut it more."

47. I'm sure that makes perfect sense if you had hair training, but to me, that sounds like a death sentence.

48. I think I would actually prefer receiving a root canal to this.

49. Wow, I sound like an assh*le.

50. WHO CARES?! It's my hair... or at least it was.

51. Time to make empty promises that I will divorce my straightener.

52. Maybe next time, things will be different.

53. Maybe this is the time I will learn my lesson.

54. Who the F, am I kidding?

55. Someone get me a hat pronto...

For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.