6 Things Holding The Millennial Female Back From Finding Love

by Gigi Engle

Love: It’s something we all think about. It’s something we all secretly yearn for the in the furthest corners of our young hearts, whether or not we want to admit it.

We’re genetically inclined to want to fall in love, to find a partner and to find someone with whom we can share our lives and our deepest desires.

So, why are so many Millennial women averse to falling in love? We live in a time when we’re urged to focus on our careers, and to build something for ourselves we can call our own.

We’re geared towards independence both financially and emotionally. We’re getting married later, and having kids later. We’re goal-oriented, instead of moving towards the monotony of motherhood and housework.

The reasons for this are complicated and plentiful. We don’t want to end up like generations past, tied to some ideal of what a woman is supposed to be. We want to have an impact on the world and leave a legacy that isn’t fleeting or unremarkable.

To be forgotten is the greatest of threats. To be a simple blip on the radar of this massive and diverse world is a deep-seated fear that eats away at our souls; it pushes us out of bed in the morning to concur yet another day.

Standing in the shadows is never an option for us. We are women; we are mighty and unstoppable. We repel the urge to fall in love.

Asking us to give up any part of ourselves that could pose a threat to the carefully constructed identities we’ve forged with the greatest dedication is like asking us to stop breathing.

We’re downright f*cking terrified to fall in love, as if to fall in love would mean to give up everything. As if allowing ourselves a relationship would be the first step toward our destruction and male domination.

We’re afraid that compromise means cutting ourselves short

To the Millennial female, career is everything. Falling in love somehow means that we have to take our minds away from our goals and, instead, focus on the person we’ve brought into our lives.

It feels as though we would somehow be greater if we just focused on ourselves and didn’t allow for any distractions. As if letting someone else in would ultimately diminish our accomplishments.

We need to get out of this mindset and see the reality for what it is. We’re not going to be stopped from reaching our goals by another person; we’re going to be stopped from reaching our goals only by our unwillingness to achieve them.

If anything, allowing love into our lives should help us reach our full potential because we have the emotional support from someone who truly wants us to be the best version of ourselves.

We’ve forgotten how to fall in love

Terror of the unknown has led us into a strange grey area of our emotional selves. The Millennial woman has become so estranged from the idea of love that she's forgotten the most important element: how to love.

We’re jaded to the idea of romance, so overexposed to cheesy rom-coms and trashy novels. We’ve grown so far away from the idea of love that it hardly seems a tangible thing.

Our humor is dark and wicked, and anything soft and fluffy makes our skin crawl. In all honesty, ladies, we need to believe in romance again. We need to free our hearts from the rusty shackles of the urge to feel nothing but the lure of success.

To love doesn’t mean to crumble; it doesn’t mean we’ll have our hearts ripped from our chests because we allowed ourselves what basic human nature so desperately wants. We need to remember how to love, how to open up our hearts again. We need to take the plunge without fear.

We don’t believe we can have a true partnership

We don’t have faith in partnership. We’ve seen women for generations chained down to men, relying on their generosity to provide women with what they need. We live in a time when that isn’t the only option for us, and we take full advantage of it.

What we need to accept is that it is possible to have a partnership. There are men in the world who will support our dreams and urge us forward in all that we do. It’s much more uncomplicated to dismiss this idea and say, “Down with the man!”

We can’t settle for anything less than we deserve, but what we need to do is allow ourselves the option of finding a partner who is worthy. Don’t close the door on the male population or dismiss them as cads who want to hold women down. There are good men out there -- men who will only add to our lives, not take away from it.

We think if we fall in love, we’re giving up the fight for feminism

It feels like we’re cheating something we’ve fought so hard for, somehow cheapening a cause we wholeheartedly believe in. The thing is, it isn’t anti-feminist to fall in love. We’re not less committed to the rights of women, to equality or to our fellow fighters just because we’ve found someone with whom to share a life.

If you’re a strong feminist, a man cannot change your mind, and he certainly cannot make you submissive.

We don’t want to accept the Millennial male

We have a view of the perfect man, which is taken from previous generations and adapted by our own. We want someone who can take care of us, but who won’t hold us down. We want a man who can be a breadwinner, but who isn’t afraid of our success.

We need to accept the Millennial male. We need to stop believing in some silly fantasy where we’re independent, but men still pay for everything. It’s an impossible ideal, and it isn’t realistic.

I’m in no way suggesting that a woman should settle for anything but the perfect guy for her; instead, I am saying we need to rely on ourselves financially.

We should want to pay for ourselves and own our apartments outright, and have an outstanding career that foots our bill. We need to want to be equal in everything. Don’t expect to always have your cake and eat it, too. Life doesn’t work that way, and frankly, we shouldn’t want it to.

We think that if we have a family, it will prevent us from reaching our lofty goals

According to data compiled by Fast Company, 70 percent of women struggle managing their personal lives with their careers. Getting married and starting a family shouldn’t be seen as the end of some greater purpose we see for our futures.

It’s about work and life balance. It's about finding the perfect semblance between our relationships and our jobs. This is not an easy task, but it is crucial in being able to be everything we want and living life to the absolute fullest.

The only one holding the Millennial woman back is herself. So, what are we so afraid of? Jump!

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It